Introduction: There are three ways to say something, and the clever way is best. Some people don't know how to speak, and others get annoyed after just a few sentences; some are silver-tongued, leaving an impression of glibness; some only flatter, earning everyone's contempt. Truly emotionally intelligent people speak with neither arrogance nor humility, naturally and appropriately, leaving a very good impression. Come, today let's learn the 35 most appropriate ways of speaking with the master.
Speaking Principle: Whether in daily interactions or in sales, there is a speaking principle: "When you see an item, add to its price; when you meet a person, subtract from their age." Simply put, when you see someone, say they look younger than their actual age; when you see they've bought something, say it cost more than it actually did.
Praise actions, not the person For example, if the other person is a chef, never say: "You are an amazing chef." They know there are better chefs. But if you tell them that you eat at their restaurant half the week, that is a very high compliment.
Express praise through a third party If the other person hears your praise indirectly, it brings more surprise than telling them directly. Conversely, if you are criticizing someone, never do it through a third party to avoid adding fuel to the fire.
Polite remarks should be just right Polite words show respect and gratitude, so they should be used in moderation. If someone does you a small favor, just say "Thank you." "Sorry to trouble you." As for "I am shallow and unlearned, please give me your guidance," such emotionless pleasantries can be omitted.
When facing others' praise, just say thank you Most people, when praised, reply "It's okay" or smile it off. Instead, accept it frankly and say thank you directly. Sometimes when someone compliments your clothing or something, if you say "It's just a cheap item," it might embarrass the other person.
Have the magnanimity to appreciate competitors When your opponent or someone you dislike is praised, don't rush to say "But..." Even if you don't agree, on the surface you should say, "Yes, he works hard." Show your magnanimity.
Criticism depends on the relationship Honest advice may not be unpleasant, but even if you mean well, the other person may not appreciate it or may even misunderstand. Unless you have a certain friendship or trust foundation, don't casually offer criticism.
Criticism can also be pleasant A more acceptable way to say it is: "About your..., I have some thoughts, maybe you could listen."
Timing is important Never on Monday morning, as most people have Monday blues. Also, avoid before leaving work on Friday, so as not to ruin their weekend mood.
Mind the occasion Don't criticize friends or colleagues in front of outsiders; say it behind closed doors.
Offer suggestions at the same time Besides criticism, provide positive improvement suggestions to make your criticism more persuasive.
Avoid responses that shouldn't be said Like "No, it should be..." Such words make you seem deliberately picky. Also, we often say "I heard..." which feels like gossip and is inappropriate.
Don't answer "Just as I thought" This is a bad response. When the other person hears it, they might think: "Are you asking knowingly?" So just agree with "Yes!"
Change useless catchphrases Everyone has habitual catchphrases, but they can easily annoy others. For example: "You know what I mean?", "Are you clear?", "Basically...", "Honestly..."
Remove unnecessary filler sounds Some people habitually add "ah" at the end of every sentence, like "That's what I mean, ah," "Of course, la." In formal settings, this appears less solemn and steady.
Don't ask what the other person's company does If you meet someone at an event and they introduce themselves as working at a company, don't ask: "What does your company do?" The event might be hosted by their company, and it would be awkward if you didn't know. Also, don't say "I heard you're doing well!" because they might have had a 30% drop in sales this quarter. Instead, say: "What position do you hold at the company?" If you don't know their job, don't ask, because they might be unemployed.
Don't ask "why" to people you don't know well If you don't have a close relationship, asking "why" can seem like interrogation or prying. For example, "Why did you do that?" or "Why did you make this decision?" Avoid such questions.
Don't assume everyone knows you When you meet someone you've seen before but don't know well, never say "Do you remember me?" If they can't remember, it's awkward. The best way is to introduce yourself first: "Hello, I'm ×××, glad to see you again."
Refusing can also be polite At a meal, if the host recommends something you don't want to eat, say: "Sorry, I can't eat this dish, but I'll have more of..." Let them feel you genuinely like and appreciate the food they prepared. If you're full, say: "These dishes are delicious; if I weren't full, I'd have more."
Don't show you're better than the other person In social conversations, if someone says they just went to New York for a week, don't say you went for a month last time; it ruins their enthusiasm. Instead, go along with their story and share your feelings and love for New York.
Don't correct others' mistakes Don't be overly eager to correct others' pronunciation, grammar, or facts. It embarrasses them and makes you look like a show-off.
Don't pretend to know when you don't If you don't understand the topic, frankly say: "I'm not clear on this issue." Others won't press you. If you pretend to know, you're more likely to say something wrong.
Master the one-second rule After listening to someone, pause for one second before answering. It shows you were listening carefully. If you respond immediately, it feels like you were waiting to interrupt.
Hear what's not said When listening, you only hear what the person knows and is willing to tell you. Besides listening, you must observe. How do they behave? What do they do for work? How do they allocate time and money?
Choose a reasonable time When you need to discuss something with a colleague or supervisor, choose the right time based on the importance of your issue. If it's personal trivialities, don't disturb them when they're deep in thought. If you don't know when they're free, write to them first.
Smile and refuse to answer private questions If asked a private question you don't want to answer or that makes you uncomfortable, smile and say: "I can't answer that question." This doesn't embarrass them and maintains your boundaries.
Refuse indirectly In many social occasions, drinking is unavoidable. Don't directly say "I don't drink" and spoil the fun. Instead, humorously say: "I'm better at pouring drinks for everyone."
Introduce yourself first If you forget someone's name, treat it as a formal occasion and introduce yourself or offer your business card. The other person will then reciprocate with their name and card, avoiding the embarrassment of not knowing their name.
Don't be a gossip conduit When a group is gossiping about someone, don't casually agree, because anything said will surely reach the person's ears. The best way is not to take a stance, just say: "I'm not too clear on that part."
Give a signal to end the conversation If you think it's time to end the conversation or see the guest out, but they show no sign of leaving, say: "Sorry, I need to make a phone call; it might take a while..." or "Thank you so much for coming today..." You can also casually glance at your watch to let them know it's time to go.
Make the other person feel important If asking a senior for help, say: "Because I trust you, I wanted to consult you..." This makes them feel respected.
Describe the situation directly When disagreeing with a subordinate, don't criticize directly; explain where the differences lie.
Seek solutions If a subordinate's performance is poor, ask how they can solve it, not threaten them.
Offer help proactively If you can't solve a subordinate's problem immediately, don't say "Don't bother me with this now," but tell them "I know someone who can help."
Speak in an equal tone Supervisors should avoid saying "I have decades of experience; just listen to me." A better way is: "I've tried this method, and it works well. Would you like to try it?"
Be flexible in accepting subordinates' opinions Even if you have a fixed idea, don't say to subordinates: "These suggestions have been considered; no need to say more." Instead, give them a chance and say: "I have a plan for this issue, but I'd still like to hear your views."
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