In the past two days, you've certainly been bombarded with the marketing copy from Suning and JD.com, and many have been applauding the creative brilliance of both sides. This old man (the author) got up early today but arrived late—missing yesterday's copy frenzy because today all eyes are on the listing of Evergrande Taobao Football Club.
That's how the topic circle works: you can never catch up with the latest trend, so companies start creating their own topics, throwing all so-called integrity and morality out the window. Especially in recent years' cat-and-dog war (Alibaba vs. JD.com), we've come to realize that entrepreneurs are no better than that. When there's no competition, they're full of chicken-soup-for-the-soul anecdotes, inspirational speeches, and stories of achieving dreams. But when it comes to competitors, they resort to all sorts of shameless and immoral tactics, making you seriously doubt whether those inspirational quotes were really said by them.
- Those Shameless Marketing Copies
The rise of marketing copy began with Durex. In China, a place that's superficially shy about sex but inwardly full of lust, these copies use simple yet suggestive jokes to stimulate people's thirsty minds. These copies are more meaningful than old-fashioned dirty text messages, but essentially they stir the most desired parts of human nature. So we see after every hot topic, copywriters work overtime, feigning illness, afraid others might notice they're actually impotent.
If Durex's copy is like "leave a picture without a seed, and your chrysanthemum will be pierced by thousands," then Shenzhou Car Rental's copy is "I'll just rub outside, never go in." A wave of shameless copies stimulated eyeballs. But at least they had some bottom line, giving their main competitor's logo a double meaning.
When the fantasy of "rubbing" raised everyone's excitement threshold, the next attraction had to be direct action. So we saw the "Uniqlo" collective orgy frenzy. The venue, Uniqlo, first said it would better decorate its fitting rooms, then after being summoned for talks, claimed with a face of chastity, "Uniqlo is not the mastermind behind this." It felt like a Taiwanese young model, after selling her body, with her client's semen on her face, still swearing she has emotional purity.
When Momo, the "hookup app," went public, and Lijiang, the "city of romance," welcomed visitors daily, many old madams saw a use for their ancestral skills. So various companies, under the banner of "I want to survive," engaged in activities on the edge of morality. Everyone must remember the "Domestic phones can't fly on planes" incident.
And also remember the collective nude run organized by Beijing's Chaoyang district aunties. A group of fine young women, for 1000 RMB, ran in the November cold. But that poor behind-the-scenes planner, though attracting consumers' attention, had key parts pixelated, and without follow-up tactics, unlike Gionee, failed to spark interest from domestic bigwigs, wasting a lot of money.
- Cat or Dog, Neither Is a Good Bird
How could this immoral feast be complete without the Double 11 big winners, Jack Ma and Liu Qiangdong? Just as November began, various "foreplay" unfolded. First, a so-called "post-95s CEO" could adjust system time, thus being blocked by Ma and Liu. Then came all sorts of exposés, face-slapping, and backdoor action (available online; I won't take up space here).
But this incident successfully grabbed everyone's attention, hinting at the horns of war: Double 11 is coming. Since the appetizers have piqued interest, the main performance must be even more spectacular, or how can it satisfy the customers about to cut off their hands? So the performance must be explosive; without some vulgarity, how can you meet the diverse needs of all levels? And so, the pure Zhang Zetian first came to support her man, proudly announcing she was pregnant before marriage.
(Blatant advertisement—she's the milk tea girl, but her signal is E; are you sure you're not dissing China Mobile?)
Indeed, this is the best of times and the worst of times. How inspirational: a child from a single-parent family with a strong Electra complex, through her biological father's relentless efforts, rose from obscurity to entertainment queen, finally marrying the old Su Bei man she was so attached to, thanks to the child in her belly. With his wife's support, Qiangdong had to fight like a man, directly filing a real-name complaint against Tmall, forcing customers to choose one.
This was a good move; Brother Qiangdong knows the "leader-follower rule" of positioning theory (the war between #1 and #2 leaves #3 with no way out). Facing the behemoth Alibaba, how can JD stand out among e-commerce platforms? Directly pick a fight with the leader. Vipshop, Dangdang, you just watch; I'm the #2, I dare challenge the throne. But Alibaba wasn't having it: "Who do you think you are? You just stole Meilishuo's sugar daddy this year, hooked up with Tencent, and you think you can share the platform with me? You're still wet behind the ears." So Alibaba coldly replied, "It's a chicken accusing a duck of monopolizing the lake" (meaning Double 11 is my Tmall's festival; didn't you see the minister from SAIC give me the 'Five-Stripe' award? You still want a piece?)
But whether cat or dog, they're both pets; or chicken and duck, both from the nightclub family (oh, did I reveal something?), they're basically the same species. After all, JD's 618 was also participated in by Tmall. Though comparing IQ with an SB brings you down to their level, the fear is that the SB is also mentally ill, doing something unexpected from time to time. Better to send someone to deal with it. So we saw Alibaba's top henchman—Suning—step up. After all, those 28.3 billion can't be wasted (Alibaba invested 28.3 billion in Suning); when trouble comes, they must step up.
- The Principles of Cursing in the Streets
Suning hasn't had it easy. Starting offline stores in 1990, they couldn't beat Gome. Even with Huang Guangyu locked up, they still couldn't win. Fine, Gome started three years earlier. But what about online home appliance market? Everyone knows Liu Qiangdong pioneered the "vertical category." Both are from Jiangsu; he's from Subei, you're in Nanjing. You started years earlier, yet you still lost. Perhaps holding in all that resentment, this outburst had the temperament of a shrew cursing in the street, fitting the Jiangnan style of "if you can argue, don't fight."
When arguing, you can't be too close, or a real fight might break out; nor too far, or your spit won't reach their face, and how can you enjoy the argument? And you must argue at the opponent's doorstep, shouting, "Come see! This murderous, husband-stealing shameless slut!" to attract the neighbors' attention, so if they throw sulfuric acid at you, someone will stop them. So we saw Suning's cars lined up at JD's door, with slogans on them, then sitting in protest. While this shows your soft power of having many cars and people, aren't you afraid of revealing that your business is so slow that your cars are idle?
After attracting the neighbors' attention, you must show you're not being unreasonable but magnanimous. First, play the elder card: "In the past, I hit you because I was bullying a junior; now you're listed, we're equals, and if I act now, no one can say I'm bullying the weak." It feels like a middle-aged wife scolding a mistress: "I watched you grow up; I saw you in diapers. I didn't hit you then because you were a young girl, giving you face. But now you're shameless, stealing my man, so don't blame me for scratching you." Actually, wasn't it because you had no money or backing before? If you hadn't found a sugar daddy, would you be this arrogant?
After playing the big shot, it's time to distribute big-character posters. So we saw Suning's soft ads in major newspapers in Beijing, Shanghai, and Guangzhou. Is there any difference between that and distributing nude photos in someone else's village? Don't mention your copy; is that copy? It's clearly street cursing! JD criticized Tmall for slow delivery, but at least they had some shame, just saying "Double 11 can't use slow delivery."
But you directly said "某东" (Mou Dong), almost writing the character "京" (Jing), afraid of being "impregnated"? Is there any difference from name-calling? But it's good to have backing; JDB just stated a fact: "The red-can herbal tea with nationwide leading sales has changed its name to JDB," without daring to say "Wang Laoji with nationwide leading sales changed its name to JDB," yet they still got beaten by GPHL, sued and fined.
People know the saying "Hit people but not the face; curse but don't expose weaknesses. " But you? You're worse than a street curser, bringing up others' bedroom matters. Don't say JD wrote "Catch Tmall Alive"—that was an internal slogan. You used your official account. Everyone vents behind others' backs, but not with a loudspeaker like you. Aren't you afraid your filthy words will corrupt the next generation?
Don't call your stuff copy; you need to study the "Five Stresses, Four Beauties, and Three Loves," and fix your moral character. Did you waste your education? Don't treat street cursing and collective fantasy as copy.
Of course, JD is also battle-hardened, with a group of "dog" strategists. They can't just take insults lying down. We're not influenced by Confucian culture; Confucius said, "Repay kindness with kindness, but what to repay evil with?" Come on, curse freely. So we saw JD's suspected response: "Those who can fire cannons don't fire mouth cannons. " Damn, even more immoral and shameless. It's like telling a girl a dirty joke to make her blush; she not only doesn't blush but tells an even dirtier one. Completely like, "I'm selling myself, so what? Haven't you sold too? Aren't you envious of my nightly new grooms because you have few customers?"
- All Are Winners
Behind this war of words is the Double 11 pole dance show. Neither side lost; both successfully attracted consumers' attention. Perhaps while the copy curses, Suning's boss Zhang Jindong and JD's boss Liu Qiangdong (their names, what a bromance) are looking at a list of Taiwanese entertainers, planning how many girls to call for fun after the feast.
But is this really okay? Through this war of words, you've stimulated the public's vulgar emotions, stirring up everyone's voyeuristic desires. Will future marketing become a porn forum, with everyone posting '1024, OP is a good person, safe'? Is internet marketing really going to be shameless to the end?
Brothers, please follow me; I'm not asking for sponsorship.