Six Brutal Truths That Will Make You Stronger

Translator: Lu Wei Xu

As we step out of the ivory tower and navigate the real world, we gradually come to recognize some "brutal" truths. Survival of the fittest; we can only accept them and be shaped by them, becoming sharp-edged.

This article is a bit long, but it's definitely worth reading carefully.

If your career is going smoothly today and your life is fulfilling, you can skip this article because it wasn't written for you. You're doing exceptionally well, and we're proud of you. Have a great day.

For the rest of you, I want you to do one thing: list five things you're proud of. Write them down or shout them out—whatever works.

But there's a condition: you can't list who you "are" (e.g., I'm a kind person, I'm honest); you can only list things you "have done" (e.g., I just won the national chess championship, the model I built is the best in China).

If you find it hard to list five things, then this article is for you, and I'm sure you'll feel uncomfortable reading it.

I wish someone had told me these things ten years ago.

6. The World Only Cares About What You Can Provide

Let's imagine this: your beloved relative is shot on the street, bleeding and screaming. A passerby rushes up and says, "Move aside." He examines the wound and pulls out a small knife, preparing to perform surgery on the street to remove the bullet.

You ask, "Are you a doctor?"

He replies, "No."

You say, "You know what you're doing, right? Are you a veteran medic, or..."

At this point, the passerby gets a bit annoyed. He tells you he's a good person, an honest person, never late for work. He tells you he's a filial son, has a rich hobby life, and is financially well-off. He also says he never swears.

Confused, you say, "What does that have to do with my relative lying on the street with a gunshot wound? I need someone who can operate on the wound! Can you do it or not?"

The passerby becomes furious: "Friend, why are you so selfish and shallow? Don't you care about my virtues? Why are you fixated on whether I can do surgery?"

In that insane situation, you'd shake him by the shoulders with your bloody hands and shout, "Of course! Your virtues are useless right now; I just need someone who can stop the bleeding and operate! Get lost, you lunatic!"

This is the first brutal truth about the adult world: you're in that situation every day, except you're the talkative good Samaritan, and everyone else is the victim's relative.

If you want to know why society dismisses you or why you never get respect, let me tell you: society is full of people who "need" something. They need people to build houses, provide food and entertainment. From birth, you enter a social system that requires solving people's needs.

You either learn a skill and fulfill a role to meet others' needs, or you're cast aside. Society doesn't care how kind, polite, or selfless you are.

If you can't meet others' needs, you'll become poor, friendless, and abandoned.

But does this mean we should be stereotypical and selfish? No. Are love and gentleness important?

Of course, but only if that love is what others need and can't get from anyone else.

Otherwise, you're doomed.

5. It's Not Whether You Support Gay Marriage, But Whether Your Burgers Taste Good

This video is from Alec Baldwin's speech in the famous film Glengarry Glen Ross. Baldwin might be seen as the villain; he pressures a room full of salesmen, warning they'll be fired unless they close their deals.

"Good people? Who cares? Loving father? Screw that! Go home and play with your kids! If you want to work here, close your deals!"

It's cruel, rude, even crazy. But that's exactly what society expects of you. The difference is that in the real world, people think it's impolite to say such things, so they say nothing and watch you fail.

This movie scene changed my life. If I knew how, I'd record it as my alarm clock to wake me up every morning. Baldwin won an Oscar for this, and it's his only scene in the entire film!

As analyzed earlier, the brilliance of this speech is:

Most people think: "God, what would it be like to have such a jerk boss?"

Others think: "That's so inspiring! I want to go to work and make sales right now!"

These two attitudes—being offended vs. being motivated—largely determine whether you succeed in real life.

At this point, someone might quote Fight Club: "You are not your job." But in fact, you are entirely your job (duty).

Of course, your duty isn't the same as serving a company. But to others, you are the sum of your skills and experience. Skills are useful services you can provide to others in society, and your duty—providing useful services—is all you are.

Let's take another example: Chick-fil-A, a restaurant that opposes gay marriage. Despite protests, they sell thousands of burgers. Not because customers agree with their views, but because they successfully fulfill their duty—making great burgers. That's what matters.

You don't have to like this fact. I don't like it when it rains on my birthday, but you can't stop the rain. People have needs, and they'll recognize those who meet them. The world runs on this simple mechanism, and no one can change it.

If you protest, "I'm not a shallow materialist; money isn't everything," I can only say: Did I mention money? You missed my point.

4. What You Do Must Benefit Others

Let's use a non-monetary example. I get emails from frustrated guys complaining that women won't approach them, even though they're the nicest men in the world.

I could explain their problem, but Alec Baldwin does it better.

In our example, Baldwin is the goddess in your life. They won't be as rude and direct as Baldwin's character—society teaches us not to be so "honest" with others.

But the answer is the same: "You're a good guy? Who cares? If you want to stay here, get the job done."

"What? You mean I can't get the goddess unless I find a high-paying job?"

No, you're jumping to conclusions! You say that to give yourself a reason to believe all rejecting goddesses are shallow and selfish.

Let me ask you one question: What have you given her? Are you smart? Funny? Interesting? Do you have ambition or creativity? No? Then what can you do to prove your worth to the world?

Don't tell me you're a good person; that's the bare minimum. Your goddess has three dozen men being "nice" to her every day. In our earlier example, the victim is bleeding on the street—can you operate or not?

"I don't discriminate against women, I'm not racist, greedy, shallow, or abusive! I'm different from those men!"

Sorry, but if all you can offer is a lack of flaws, get away from the goddess! We have plenty of witty, handsome, successful men to please her.

Does that sting? A little. So what now? Are you going to whine, or learn how to make the goddess approach you? It's up to you.

If you keep saying you're a good person, it's like a restaurant advertising that their food won't give you diarrhea, or a movie titled "This Movie is in English."

That's why you can be a good person and still feel like a loser.

3. You Hate Yourself Because You Do Nothing

So am I telling you to buy a book on how to pick up women?

Of course not, unless the first chapter is "Make Yourself the Kind of Person Women Want to Approach."

Because this step is often overlooked:

People always ask "How can I find a job?" instead of "How can I become someone an employer wants to hire?"

People always ask "How can I make a girl like me?" instead of "How can I become someone a girl would like?" Right?

Because the latter often requires giving up hobbies and making sacrifices. You might even have to change your nature.

"But why can't I find someone who likes me for who I am?"

The answer is simple: people have needs. If who you are doesn't meet them, it won't work. Remember our example: the victim is bleeding, and all you can do is complain about not finding a wound that heals itself?

"But I'm not good at anything!"

I have good news: If you practice anything repeatedly, you can become good at it.

I was probably the worst writer in the world as a child, and only slightly better at 25. But when my career stalled, I wrote in my spare time for eight years, one article a week, until it started paying off.

It took me 13 years to hit the New York Times bestseller list, and about 20,000 hours to sharpen my poor writing.

Don't want to spend that much time honing a skill? I have good and bad news.

Good news: long-term practice can slowly get you out of trouble—I endured years of menial office work because I knew I was learning a skill.

People give up because the payoff is too far away, and they don't realize that the "result" is the process itself; the process determines the outcome.

Bad news: you have no choice. "Want to keep working here? Close your deals."

Count on your fingers: how much time do you spend consuming others' creations (TV, music, games, websites) versus producing your own? Only your "output" is your value as a person.

If you can't bear to hear this and respond with the cliché "What's inside is what matters," then go home and play with your kids...

2. Your Inner Self Is Only Shown Through What You Do

In my industry, I know countless aspiring "writers." They consider themselves writers and introduce themselves as such at parties. They have a writer's passionate heart, but they're one step away: writing something decent.

Really? Does "writing something decent" determine who is a "writer"?

My God, of course it does!

There's a common defense against criticism: "I know I'm a good person inside." You also hear people say "I'm just being myself."

Don't get me wrong: your inner self is important. But the fact everyone knows yet can't accept is: "Without the final product, you are nothing."

Say there's a tragedy in the community, and you say "Those poor children," to show you sympathize. But then what? Those words mean nothing to the children; actually helping them is what matters.

Millions have seen that photo of an African girl. What did such widespread sympathy bring to the children? Nothing! Because millions of us tell ourselves that caring is as important as acting. It's a psychological mechanism that controls the lazy part of our brains, letting us avoid actually doing things.

How many people are thinking right now: "If she (he) knew how interesting I am, she'd (he'd) fall for me."

Really? How many of your interesting thoughts have you shared? If your crush followed you with a hidden camera for a month, would the footage move them?

Remember, people can't read minds; they only observe your actions.

All I ask is that you hold yourself to the same standards you use to judge others.

1. The Human Mind Resists Progress

The human brain is amazing. You'll find it works harder to resist progress than to take action. Your consciousness uses layers of defense mechanisms to reject anything that might change your status quo—ask anyone with an addiction.

So by now, many of you reading this will feel your brain generating reasons to reject it. From experience, these thoughts are usually:

Interpreting any criticism as an insult

"Who is he to say I'm lazy and useless? A kind person would never talk to me like that! The author is just trying to feel superior and make me, a loser, unhappy with my life! Wait until I reply with something more insulting!"

Attacking the person, not the argument

"Who is this guy to tell me how to live? Does he think he's so great? He's just some idiot blogger! I'll dox him and find something embarrassing. This guy is so arrogant, he makes me sick."

Focusing on tone, not content

"I'll read your article carefully, find one sentence, and take it out of context to argue about that."

Constantly revising your past

"Things aren't that bad. Sure, I wanted to kill myself last month, but I feel better now! Maybe if I just keep doing what I'm doing, things will improve. Let me keep fixing that goddess's computer; she'll come around eventually!"

Believing that improving your life means losing yourself

"Oh, so you want me to throw away all my comics and go to the gym six hours a day? Because I have no other choice?"

But remember: pain can be comforting. Many people choose to embrace pain to avoid real action.

So, achieving happiness requires effort.

And there's also courage.

People can't criticize what you haven't created, so you do nothing to avoid criticism.

It's easy to put your hands in your pockets and criticize others' work—"That movie was stupid, those parents' kids are brats, that couple's relationship is terrible, that nouveau riche is uneducated, this restaurant is awful, the author is an idiot..."

When you try to build or create something—a poem, new technology, even a new relationship—you'll find yourself surrounded by critics.

These critics might not insult you to your face, but they do mock you. Your drunk friends don't want you sober; your overweight friends don't want you slim; your unemployed friends don't want you to start a new career.

Remember, they're just expressing their fear of life; criticizing others' work is another excuse for their own inaction.

"Why should I create anything? Look, everything others make is terrible!"

"I want to write a novel, but I'll wait for the right time. I don't want to write something as shallow as 'Tiny Times'."

As long as they never start, things remain perfect. Or if they do start, they deliberately don't try, so others think their failure is due to lack of effort, not lack of ability, making you believe their true potential is limitless—not the crap they produce.

Don't be that person. If you are, stop being that person. That's why people don't like you, and that's why you hate yourself.

So, I have a suggestion: set a deadline for yourself.

By the end of 2016, or a year from reading this, when someone says "My New Year's resolution is to lose 15 pounds," you say, "We should also strive to do something—learn a new skill until it's useful, or pick anything: karate, dancing, pottery, build a birdhouse, learn massage, learn a language, become Batman and fight crime..."

The key is: I don't want you to focus on some lofty goal; I want you to focus on acquiring a new, useful skill or experience for others.

If you can't afford cooking classes, search online for "how to cook." For heaven's sake, drop these excuses, or they'll kill you.

You must let these excuses die, or you'll die.

-END-

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