As the year draws to a close, looking back on the past year, it has been turbulent. With the pandemic just lifted, everyone was full of confidence and hope for the future. But reality dealt a heavy blow. The Russia-Ukraine war, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, the housing market crash, economic downturn... In this world full of uncertainty, everything seems elusive and unreliable. We all crave certainty, but in today's situation, only self-rescue can lead to salvation. In other words, since others cannot give us certainty, we might as well live out some certainty ourselves.
Reality is tough, and progress is difficult
In 2023, the wave of corporate layoffs intensified.
For example, ByteDance's profitability has already surpassed Tencent's, but even ByteDance chose to cut some business lines with poor profitability.
Similarly, Alibaba's DAMO Academy Quantum Research Institute was also cut due to budget and profitability reasons.
These two internet giants can be described as "rich masters," but unexpectedly, they no longer have "surplus grain" now.
Large companies have strong risk resistance, yet they are like this. Not to mention most small and medium-sized enterprises, the situation will only be more pessimistic.
Under the wave of layoffs, people are panicked, and the emotion of being insecure spreads rapidly.
In this situation, more and more people are starting to downgrade consumption.
"Before this year, I absolutely hated PDD, but now, PDD is really good!"
"Previously, a cup of milk tea cost at least 15 yuan, but now I find Mixue Ice City's 6-yuan drink quite palatable."
Reality is tough, and progress is difficult.
Under the harsh environment, too much uncertainty makes our mentality worse and worse, trapping us in a vortex of negative emotions.
The real stumbling block is the stone in your heart
But life goes on.
Since others cannot provide us with certainty, we might as well rely on ourselves to create certainty.
But many people will say: In this complex VUCA era, it is too difficult to create certainty by ourselves.
This proves that you may have fallen into a psychological misunderstanding.
That is psychological trauma, which brings negative psychological suggestions, slows down our progress, and is an absolute "stumbling block."
1. Psychological trauma brings negative psychological suggestions
American scholar Cathy Caruth, in her book Unclaimed Experience, defines trauma as:
"An extremely unusual experience of a sudden or catastrophic event," which causes harm to a person's mind and spirit, that is, psychological trauma, bringing negative psychological suggestions.
American psychologist Gardner conducted an experiment:
He told a death row inmate that he would be executed by cutting an artery. Then he blindfolded him, tied him to a bed, and cut a wound on his arm with a knife.
But the cut did not reach the artery.
Then, the executioner used a tube to let warm water flow down the inmate's arm. And placed an iron basin on the ground, letting the water drip into the basin with a "drip, drip" sound, creating the illusion that he was bleeding.
As the water flow slowed down, the water temperature dropped, and the sound became quieter.
Soon after, the inmate died. An autopsy found that the inmate died of cardiac paralysis.
Medical explanation: the inmate was actually "killed" by his own psychological suggestion.
In the present, many people have suffered from the three-year pandemic, businesses failed, and families broke up.
After barely surviving, full of expectations, thinking that the future will definitely be better, thinking of making a comeback.
Unfortunately, reality gives us another "blow."
After this, we will develop a certain degree of psychological trauma, bringing negative psychological suggestions.
Negative psychological suggestions will affect our cognition, emotions, and behavior, and thus have a negative impact on the following three aspects.
1 Affects decision-making, missing opportunities
Buffett also has a famous saying: Be fearful when others are greedy, and be greedy when others are fearful.
That is to say, there is opportunity in crisis, and crisis in opportunity; crisis and opportunity coexist.
For example.
Lei Jun once showed off his Chinese-style English at a Xiaomi new product launch.
The meme "Are you OK" became popular.
This was originally a public relations crisis, but Xiaomi did the opposite and took advantage of the marketing.
Successfully shaped Lei Jun into an entrepreneur image of "down-to-earth, no airs," winning countless netizens' praise.
If Xiaomi only saw the danger and not the opportunity, the handling would be completely different.
The result would likely be "the more you explain, the worse it gets," and the best outcome would only be to minimize the impact, but there would never be any gain.
How can there be no light on the road ahead?
Only with eyes that can find light can one have the motivation to move toward brightness and the right to obtain light.
2 Negative emotions and self-denial weaken action
Negative psychological suggestions bring negative emotions, weakening a person's action.
Everyone has more or less discovered some "opportunities," big or small.
Facing these opportunities, some people with action dare to do it, and maybe they succeed.
But some people, when facing opportunities, due to past psychological trauma, develop negative emotions.
"I'm not capable, I can't handle it."
"The risk is too high, I'd better just go to work."
There is a saying: "Things don't crush people, but the attitude towards things can."
This negative emotion and attitude weaken our action, making a person "stand still and cry."
Thus, falling into a vicious cycle of "negative emotions - no action - no good results - negative emotions," ultimately achieving nothing.
3 Confirmation bias, only believing what you want to believe
The so-called confirmation bias, in simple terms, is: "You can't wake up someone who is pretending to sleep."
There is a story:
A swan saw a toad lying in dirty water, and it thought this was too dirty.
So it extended a branch to try to save the toad.
But the toad was ungrateful and angrily asked the swan if it wanted to take away this stinky ditch.
A person who only believes what they want to believe, tends to seek information that supports their existing beliefs and viewpoints, while ignoring or rejecting contradictory information, is cognitive bias.
It leads to wrong information filtering logic, resulting in single information intake.
This affects a person's cognitive level, being limited to the "bottom," making people mistakenly regard the "stinky ditch" as a treasure.
2. In life, the only thing you can change is yourself; give yourself certainty
Wise people adapt themselves to the world, while the unwise insist on the world adapting to them.
Some people like to compete with the world, which is a "very stupid" behavior; the world will not change with our subjective consciousness.
Competing with it is a waste of effort.
Others compete with themselves, changing themselves to adapt to the world, which is a typical characteristic of smart people.
Tell a story:
Someone heard that there was a "mountain-moving technique" in the world, and he also wanted to learn this magical skill.
After a long time of searching, he finally found a master who could use this technique.
So he hurriedly asked the master how to learn the "mountain-moving technique."
Unexpectedly, the master taught him the magical skill in just 8 words:
"If the mountain doesn't come, I'll go to it."
"Mountain" is the environment that is hard to change; "moving the mountain" means "moving the mountain in your heart."
This ability to actively change is the power of believing in belief - first change yourself, believe that the future will definitely be better.
Giving yourself certainty is an important upward pulling force for a person to escape difficulties and the bottom.
Live out certainty: believe in the power of belief
What you believe determines the boundaries of your life.
If Musk hadn't believed that he could "go to space" in the future, there would be no SpaceX today.
Similarly, if a person only believes that the future is bleak, and cannot pursue a bright future, then he will not have the courage to act.
Daring to believe is the prerequisite for success; only by believing can you dare to do, and only by daring to do can you have results, and only then can a person live out certainty.
1. Law of attraction, magnetic field attraction
Jack Ma once said, "Most people see and then believe, while a few believe and then see." Most people need to see actual evidence or examples of others' success before they have confidence in an idea or goal. Their beliefs and actions are based on existing experience and proof of reality. "Near vermilion, one becomes red; near ink, one becomes black." The importance of a person's circle lies here. If he sees everything as negative, he naturally thinks the world is negative. When he interacts with the outside world, he will naturally be attracted to people who hold similar views. Over time, he will be trapped in fixed thinking and behavior patterns, unable to achieve personal growth, and difficult to seize opportunities in life. This is the law of attraction: what you believe attracts people with the same views. If a person breaks free from the fixed thinking brought by inherent circles, believing that the world is beautiful and the future is bright, the law of attraction also applies. Cultural celebrity Ma Jiahui was called "loser" when he was a child, failing at everything and plagued by bad luck.
People around him began to mock him, and he also accepted his bad luck, and then he became timid in everything he did.
But in countless dark days, he relied on reading to relieve loneliness, especially biographies of famous people.
After reading more, he found that.
Great people inevitably have bad luck, but they never give up on themselves; instead, with confidence and optimism, they turn bad things into good.
It turns out that luck can be changed; what you believe, you will encounter. He suddenly realized.
From then on, when others called him "loser," he just smiled and continued doing his own things.
After that, he went smoothly all the way and became a famous writer and host.
A person's fortune, good or bad, is attracted by himself.
A person's positive thoughts can build a positive magnetic field; negative emotions and words and deeds will also weaken and worsen your magnetic field.
Only by changing your own energy magnetic field and believing in the power of belief can you attract all the good things in life.
2. Nothing exists outside the mind, and no principle exists outside the mind
There is a story about Wang Yangming.
One day, Wang Yangming was playing in the mountains with a friend. Looking at the blooming mountain flowers, the friend asked him:
"You say that all things in the world are in people's hearts. What do these mountain flowers that bloom and fall on their own have to do with the human heart?"
Wang Yangming replied: "When you don't look at the flowers, the mountain flowers are as quiet as your heart. When you look at the flowers, the mountain flowers and your heart bloom together."
This story explains the concept of "nothing exists outside the mind, and no principle exists outside the mind" in Yangming's philosophy of the mind.
That is: your heart is self-sufficient, there is nothing outside the mind, and you don't need to seek externally.
The deeper explanation behind it is that external things are projections of our inner mind, and the role of subjective consciousness in experiencing the world.
For example.
You must have heard this saying: "People with dirty hearts see everything as dirty."
Some people see others "helping an old lady cross the street" and think that this person is either stupid or has ulterior motives.
His inner thoughts and subjective consciousness project onto the outside world.
This shows that this person is someone who "doesn't get up early without profit" and has a "dirty heart."
But in this "smart" era, such strong purposefulness will eventually be detected, and others will also feel that this person has a "dirty heart."
Eventually, it backfires on himself.
If a pure and kind person thinks that "helping an old lady cross the street" is a duty in itself, not related to interests.
Then, the altruistic actions this person shows in life will be seen as a kind person, thus attracting more recognition from others.
What you believe is what you see. If you believe things are good, inner recognition brings behavioral change, and then you get something.
Therefore, if a person wants to live out certainty, he must believe in the power of belief.
This power is the key for a person to get out of difficulties and escape the bottom.
Positive Psychology:
Only by feeling better can you do better
Believing in the power of belief essentially brings us a positive psychological suggestion, prompting a change in action and producing good results.
Positive psychology can also bring us positive psychological suggestions and can be used as a theoretical supplement to the power of belief.
1. What is positive psychology?
Positive psychology is a psychology that studies happiness and teaches people how to obtain happiness.
It tells ordinary people what potential you have, what height you can reach, and then uses tools and methods to strive to create a better state. For example.
There was a scholar who went to the capital for the imperial examination. On the night before the exam, he stayed at an inn.
That night, he dreamed that he was planting Chinese cabbage on a high wall.
The next morning, he was very puzzled by this dream. So he went to a fortune teller to interpret the dream.
The fortune teller said: "Planting Chinese cabbage on a high wall, isn't that getting nothing?"
The scholar was very disappointed and thought, "God told me through this dream that I definitely won't pass this exam."
The scholar walked back to the inn dejectedly, crying. The innkeeper saw the scholar like this and asked him what happened. The scholar told the dream.
The innkeeper said, "Planting Chinese cabbage on a high wall means 'high school' (passing the exam)!"
The scholar suddenly realized and happily continued preparing for the exam.
This story is a typical interpretation of positive psychology.
An event happens; it's not important. What's important is our interpretation of the event.
So there is a saying in psychology: Only by feeling better can you do better.
2. Everyone has a beast living inside
In positive psychology, there is an important concept called psychological position.
It is the root of all emotions and communication. In the process of evolving from primitive humans, we have retained some mechanisms in our bodies. For example, perceiving danger, smelling fear, etc. These mechanisms are all to help us survive and reproduce better.
But if in this process, we absorb too much fear into our bodies, it will hinder us from moving toward happiness.
1 Emotional priming mechanism
Why do we have emotions?
Because when our brain perceives, there is an emotional priming mechanism that simply and crudely defines feelings with "like" and "dislike."
Then it unconsciously forms thoughts about life, and then guides consciousness forward with instinctive reactions, eventually forming beliefs and making decisions.
A person's behavior is determined by his thinking, thinking is determined by his emotional patterns, and emotional patterns are determined by his consciousness or subconsciousness.
For example, when a person goes for an interview, what kind of emotional perceptions does he tend to form?
Is the interviewer good-looking? Where is the company located? Is it prosperous? Is transportation convenient?
Through these simple perceptions, he judges whether he likes it or not, and the brain produces a logical thinking process.
Then he continues to sit down and chat with the interviewer to understand what the job is, what the leader is like, what the leader's expectations are, and what the job responsibilities are.
The later logical thinking discards the previous emotional priming mechanism.
If a person does not have much logical thinking during growth.
When he makes choices and judgments, he simply judges likes and dislikes by the emotional priming mechanism, then he will form a thinking pattern.
Thinking can change, but thinking patterns are hard to change.
For example, when people choose a partner, they always simply judge by the person's appearance, whether they are pleasing to the eye, and how they speak.
But it is often difficult to notice his character, how he treats his parents, how he treats his friends, and how he plans his future life.
Once a thinking pattern is strengthened, it becomes our belief.
Once a belief is formed, values are formed, and values are hard to change. Unless we encounter a very big setback or what we often call a collapse of worldview, it will change.
2 Negative bias
In the process of human evolution, the brain evolved a mechanism that is more sensitive to negative stimuli.
For example, we tend to have thoughts of escape or attack.
This is why when we encounter a problem, we either tend to escape or tend to attack others.
For example:
At 9 p.m., your husband's phone rings. He answers it, and you hear a woman's voice.
At this time, you don't care at all what they are talking about; you only get angry and furious.
3 Genetic determinism
Each person's personality traits, emotional intelligence, IQ, hormone levels, etc.
Including our physical health, are 50% determined by genes.
Whether a person is pessimistic or optimistic, depressed or cheerful, is actually 50% determined by genes.
4 BVR belief system
Everyone must have heard of the iceberg model.
Above the iceberg is consciousness, or pre-consciousness. This part is like the memory system in a computer; it is called up when needed.
Below the iceberg is our subconscious.
The so-called subconscious is the unconscious, hidden consciousness that we cannot perceive.
It contains beliefs, values, driving forces, these primitive desires, etc.
The belief system is a general term for values, beliefs, and life mottos.
So, the belief system includes consciousness and subconsciousness, and is the whole of all conscious activities.
In the belief system, there are 3 different levels of distinction:
a. Deep belief
For example:
My teacher has a nanny at home. My teacher thinks this nanny is quite pretty.
So he said to her, "Don't be a nanny anymore. Study with me, and I'll teach you family education."
The nanny immediately said, "I can't!"
"I can't" is a "deep belief" in her belief system.
Without any attempt, she judged that this thing couldn't be done, firmly believing that she couldn't do it.
We rarely realize that the subconscious guides our actions, but the results are obvious.
b. Vague
I hear you say this is right, and hear him say that is right, but I can't tell which is right and which is wrong.
c. Understanding
I don't have any belief or disbelief about this matter; I understand it, but it hasn't reached the level of application. For example, learning to drive.
The process of learning to drive at first is vague; I roughly know how others drive.
When a coach teaches, you get in the car to practice, and even after driving for many years, it becomes a deep belief.
The realm of deep belief is "I don't know that I know."
5 Psychological position
The root of all emotions and communication, and the root of all interpersonal relationships, depends on psychological position.
French child psychologist Piaget said that infants begin to develop cause-and-effect relationships a few months after birth, and fully recognize cause-and-effect relationships by age 2.
That is: previously chaotic information begins to accumulate in an orderly manner in some form, making it possible for infants to have non-verbal attitudes and conclusions.
From the end of age 2 to age 3, children develop products of views about themselves and others, that is, psychological position, which then affects our lives from then on.
So, how does psychological position affect us?
a. I'm not okay, you're okay
The psychological position is formed at age 2-3. During this period, we live in our original family, surrounded by adults.
Adults are certainly better than infants.
So, at this time, the child is easy to take care of because his psychological position is "I'm not okay, you're okay." He tends to please, flatter, cooperate, and obey; this is his psychological position.
b. I'm not okay, you're not okay either
I'm not okay, but I slowly find that you're not great either.
Why do children or employees develop this psychological position?
Because when parents or leaders repeatedly make demands on them but don't do it themselves, they develop this psychological position.
For example, you criticize your subordinate, saying why your PPT is always so bad, why your thinking is always so chaotic, but in fact, you can't do these requirements yourself.
c. I'm okay, you're not okay
As I grow up, I can meet your requirements.
But you can't, I surpass you.
d. I'm okay, you're okay too
I have clear value standards for myself, and I won't doubt myself because of others' evaluations of me.
I am sure I am okay, and I can also see the strengths of others. I know you are also good.
Under such a psychological position, our interpersonal relationships and communication will be very harmonious.
This final psychological position is the state we hope to achieve.
3. Positive psychology happiness formula
Positive psychology can be summarized as a formula: H=S+C+V
Happiness index = innate genetic quality + acquired environment + psychological power you can actively control (i.e., mental strength)
It is difficult for us to change innate genetic factors, and it is also difficult to control the acquired environment, but we can grasp our own psychological power.
If everyone can have good psychological power, become a person with stable self-awareness, become a person with strength, then our world will show more tolerance, inclusiveness, and understanding.
With the support of tolerance, inclusiveness, and understanding, we can create more harmonious relationships and a more harmonious environment, and have a happier life.
Summary
In the past few years, the harsh external reality has caused many people to suffer "heavy blows."
Too much uncertainty has caused people to have many negative emotions and begin to doubt the future.
These negative emotions, this "stone" in the heart, are the "stumbling blocks" on our way forward.
This is a psychological trauma, bringing negative psychological suggestions, unconsciously affecting our cognition and actions, leading to poor results.
But the "mountain" of the real environment cannot be moved. We can only actively change ourselves, believe that the future is definitely bright, and "move the mountain in our hearts."
This is the power of believing in belief, bringing positive psychological suggestions, and giving ourselves certainty.
Only then can we build a positive energy magnetic field silently and attract good things into our lives.