My buddy loves Leonardo DiCaprio. Today he got into an online argument with someone over whether DiCaprio deserved an Oscar. The argument lasted two hours, and as a result, he had to work overtime to finish his tasks. Over a late-night snack, he complained to me—not about the Oscars or opposing fans, but about feeling useless because he wasted so much time on a pointless debate and neglected his real work.
He asked himself, "Don't you think I'm pathetic? It's because I don't have anything important to do. If I were making millions a minute, I wouldn't spend an afternoon on this."
I once attended a lecture by a philosophy professor who discussed why women shouldn't be full-time housewives. In her view, economic independence and gender self-esteem weren't the main reasons; she believed the most important reason was that "women must not become disconnected from society."
Because once a woman is disconnected from society, "her world becomes just that house and that man," and then many trivial matters become big deals, leading to arguments with her husband over trifles, since her attention isn't occupied by more important things like basic social interactions and work tasks.
I once read a heartbreaking story online. A girl who had graduated a few years ago got into an argument with the boss over the amount of beef in her beef noodles. She ended up crying, not because of the beef, but because, as she said, "This isn't the life I wanted." After years of hard work since graduation, she never imagined she'd still be arguing over a few pieces of beef in a bowl. If her time were more valuable and she had more important things to do, she wouldn't waste energy haggling. Her tears were a denial and lament of her current state and past experiences.
Economics has a concept called "opportunity cost." It refers to the value of the best alternative foregone when making a choice. For example, if you have a hundred yuan and can either buy a meal or watch a movie, and you choose the movie, your opportunity cost is the meal. Similarly, if you have a weekend and can either play Dota or read the Analects, and you choose the Analects, the joy of playing Dota is your opportunity cost.
In other words, the value of what I do is reflected by what I give up, and what I give up is reflected by the value of what I do. Value is subjective and varies from person to person—I can't delve into philosophical debates due to my limited knowledge. But life experience and moral intuition tell me that a person's value can be judged from their choices. How you allocate the same resources and make the same decisions reveals your level or traits.
Liu Zhiyu, who became a monk after studying at Peking University, valued monastic life more than a full scholarship to MIT. Tao Yuanming, who refused to bow for five dou of rice, valued personal dignity more than official rank and salary. Heroes of the revolution sacrificed personal happiness and even life for national independence and liberation. Recently investigated corrupt officials valued personal pleasure over responsibility, party discipline, and public welfare.
In short, what kind of person you are and what you value can be judged from your choices: what you give up to do what you do. Your priorities are made clear by your actions; words are powerless. What you do defines who you are and what you're worth.
If you fight with a good friend over a piece of candy, your friendship and friend are worth that candy. If you break up with your girlfriend over movie ticket money, your love and partner are worth those few hundred yuan. If you beat your child for breaking a cheap vase, your child's curiosity is worth that vase. If you quarrel with your boss over a few overtime shifts, your future is worth those overtime payments.
If you give up pride and stubbornness to win back your beloved girlfriend, she is worth more than your arrogance. If you give up pleasure and indulgence to persist in hard work and progress, your pursuit of success is worth more than the dopamine rush of pure desire. If you spend all your wealth to save a sick relative, they are worth more than all your possessions. If you give up a high salary at KKR to start a business selling candied hawthorns, your ideal is worth more than a hefty annual salary.
Thus, our energy allocation reflects our level. If we argue for an afternoon over whether Wu Yanzu or Huang Xiaoming is more handsome, it's not so much a moral judgment like "narrow-mindedness" but rather that our afternoon is worth that entertainment debate. If we argue and curse over giving up a seat on the subway, it's not so much a character assessment like "low quality" but rather that our personal image is worth two subway stops. What you do defines your worth; what you get angry about determines the hardships and glories you deserve.
Whenever there's a fight on the street, there's a crowd of onlookers watching eagerly like dogs waiting for bones. No doubt, these "spectators" who love watching drama are losers. Why? Because those busy serving society, making money, or caring for family—those with "real work"—don't have time to stand on the street watching irrelevant quarrels. And online, those who love to argue, spray insults, curse at every post, and badmouth society are definitely losers. Why? Which ambitious twenty- or thirty-something focuses on learning, gaining experience, building a foundation, and contributing, rather than using their energy to attack others and complain about society?
Everyone has limited time and energy. If you allocate yours to low-value things and fuss over them, it only shows you have nothing more valuable to invest in, or you're just a low-value person.
Note: Here, "low value" doesn't mean utilitarian worth, but rather that we invest energy in people or things we despise, ultimately causing losses in various aspects of our lives. In short, it's cheap and self-harming. After all, Mr. Chiang doesn't personally kill, the sweeping monk doesn't engage in martial arts, Dongfang Bubai doesn't fight Lu Dayou, and Naruto doesn't have many battles with Hidan. To see a person's level, just see what makes them angry and who they choose to fight.
People with important business to negotiate don't have time to fuss over the amount of meat in their lunchbox. People with high-level opponents to deal with don't care about who insulted them or who blackened their name. Jack Ma doesn't care if a street stall raises the price of lunchboxes, and Hawking doesn't pay attention to typos in middle school physics textbooks. Think back: in WeChat groups, the most active ones who respond to everything—aren't they usually idle losers?
Looking back, I'm ashamed of how much time and energy I've wasted on boring and meaningless things. These things are meaningless not just because they yield nothing, but because they damage my image and relationships, causing great distress. Later, talking with friends, I found I wasn't alone. On this path of "devoting limited life to infinite waste," many lost brothers and sisters are crowded together, sweating profusely.
All our arguments and frictions with people we despise, and the resulting unhappiness and resentment, ultimately stem from our own inadequacy: not studying seriously, not working hard, lacking social responsibility. While top students are boosting their GPAs, we're mocking some idiot's stupid remarks. While entrepreneurs are raising Series A funding, we're ridiculing how some rich second-generation squanders wealth. While ambitious youth are busy building medical systems at the grassroots, we're gossiping about the mistresses of corrupt officials. Why? Because at those times, we're idle, directionless, and our paths are bleak. The only thing giving us a sense of existence is arguing with low-level opponents or engaging in shallow topics.
Progress starts with despising yourself. Daily "jealousy" over things that hurt others and yourself is a sign of being a loser—shallow knowledge, narrow vision, crude opponents, weak strength, bottom of the social ladder, and a hopeless career. Is that too harsh? No. For those who obsessively invest energy meant for self-improvement, family care, and social good into people and things they despise, friends are annoyed by, and society rejects, any low-level description fits.
Our value level determines our value orientation, which determines our actions, which reflect our value level.
Arguing with a jerk not only makes it hard to tell who's the jerk, but also keeps you at the same level as the jerk. Worrying about trivial matters not only wastes energy but also numbs your nerves, making you mistake this for normal life and eventually making it the norm.
This is annoying and shameful, and this lifelong shame and regret is hereditary. Because our children will continue to struggle at the same level as the children of those we despise, and they'll waste energy on things we hate. That's a terrifying thought for me and my friends. If we don't hurry up and study and work, our meaningless and self-harming struggles will continue for generations.
If we don't want to be slaves to the people and things we despise, and don't want to regret wasting time and energy on "such things" and "such people," the most reliable way is to find valuable things to do. Students should stop arguing online and instead study for certificates, improve grades, intern, and consult teachers. Employees should stop sulking with colleagues and instead read, spend time with family, exercise, and expand business, and so on.
Instead of arguing and fussing with people and things that disgust you, it's better to work hard so those disgusting people and things have no chance to appear in your world.
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