No one likes the feeling of being rejected. After countless failures over the years, I finally devised a three-step method to turn “No” into “Yes.” I call it the “3P Principle”:

Perseverance Perspective Positive

About the author: Shen Wencai, currently Adjunct Associate Professor at Hong Kong University of Science and Technology, and Senior Advisor at UBS Investment Bank. He is a LinkedIn Influencer columnist with 300,000 followers on LinkedIn.

1. How to Get a Table at a “Fully Booked” Restaurant Wanting to secure a table at Piccolo Pizzeria in Hong Kong on a weekend is about as likely as winning the lottery—and that’s not an exaggeration. Like those devout lottery ticket buyers, I couldn’t resist trying my luck, because the restaurant’s crispy thin-crust pizza and garlic pasta are simply irresistible. My family loves having dinner there, often on a whim. One Sunday afternoon, I called to make a reservation. “Hello, Piccolo,” a cheerful voice answered. “Is there a table for four tonight?” I asked hopefully. “Sorry, sir, we’re fully booked tonight,” she replied with a hint of regret. “What if we come at 6?” I pressed. “Sir, as I said, we’re fully booked tonight!” she repeated impatiently. “What if we finish and leave before 7?” There was a brief silence on the other end, as if she didn’t know how to respond. “Let me check... Okay, no problem.” To change someone’s mind, we need the following three steps.

1. Perseverance: Show your determination. When I heard “fully booked,” I didn’t hang up; instead, I proposed an alternative. Telling her we could come at 6 signaled to the restaurant that I was willing to compromise and be flexible with timing.

2. Perspective: Understand what others care about. For the restaurant staff, the top priority is ensuring that guests with reservations have a table, not accommodating your personal needs. She doesn’t care if it’s your spouse’s or dog’s birthday, or whether you’re celebrating a wedding or a divorce. So, getting angry, emphasizing how many times you’ve visited before, or threatening never to return—none of that works. In this case, I was actually helping the server by giving her an “option” to kick us out at 7. [In finance, an “option” is a contract that gives the holder the right, but not the obligation, to buy (or sell) an asset (such as stocks, currencies, or commodities) at a predetermined exercise price.] The Piccolo server was the option holder; she had the right to ask us to leave at 7. But so far, I’ve never been kicked out, because the next party didn’t arrive on time. In other words, the option holder didn’t exercise her right.

3. Positive: I’m an eternal optimist, always hoping to turn unfavorable situations into favorable ones. Most people would feel frustrated when hearing “fully booked,” but I try to find the best compromise. Arriving at 6 and leaving by 7 is a win-win solution. During that time, the restaurant is usually not full. I’m actually helping them use resources more efficiently.

2. Keeping a Friend Longer: Start by Asking for 10 More Minutes At 1 a.m., you’re having a great time at a nightclub, and it feels early. But your friend Anna wants to go home. How do you convince her to stay until 2? If you directly say, “Stay another hour,” she’ll likely take the chance to leave, making up an excuse like “My dad’s mistress is having a baby.” But if you say, “Stay 10 more minutes; what would you like to drink?” she might find it hard to refuse. During those 10 minutes, introduce her to interesting people, and she’ll feel time flies. At 1:30, offer to walk her home, and leave together at 1:45. “Didn’t you say stay until 2?” Yes, I did, but I also have to compromise. The “3P Principle” applies here too.

1. Perseverance: When you tell Anna to stay for a drink and 10 more minutes, it shows you value her company. 2. Perspective: Anna originally wanted to have fun at the club. If she decides to leave early, it’s likely because she’s bored and doesn’t want to waste more time. But 10 minutes doesn’t sound like a long time, so she’s likely to stay. So, you’re giving Anna an “option” to leave after 10 minutes. 3. Positive: Because you’re positive and optimistic, your happiness naturally shows and is contagious, sending Anna a signal that the next 10 minutes will be fun. Some might question whether your friend will feel deceived if she stays longer than the promised 10 minutes. I disagree. They aren’t trapped; they have the right to leave after 10 minutes. If they decide to stay, it’s clearly because they’re enjoying themselves.

3. Don’t Fear Rejection: Can I Drop By? This ability to turn “No” into “Yes” is even more important in the workplace, especially for those in sales. In my banking career, I once encountered a Taiwanese transportation company planning to build an office building in Shanghai and needing a construction loan. It was a 10-year loan, and my colleague in the lending department priced it using the People’s Bank of China (PBOC) rate for loans over five years, which was 5.94%. In the fiercely competitive financial world, another foreign bank proposed a plan using a 6-month loan, rolled over every 6 months until the 10th year when the balance would be paid off. Because the repayment period was shorter, the interest rate dropped to 4.86%. (Above is the PBOC’s 2009 lending and deposit rate table. What’s distinctive about the rates?) My colleague lost the deal to the competitor and immediately came to me, hoping to salvage the transaction. I devised a synthetic RMB loan solution—a dollar loan plus a dollar-RMB cross-currency swap—with a total interest rate of 4.5% in RMB. It was still a 10-year loan, but the rate was lower than the competitor’s. We promptly presented this clever plan to the client. They liked it and reported it to their CFO, who gave positive feedback. It seemed I had saved the deal! But we celebrated too soon. A week later, the client informed us they couldn’t accept our proposal because the CFO had already verbally agreed to the other foreign bank before learning of our plan. This news drove us crazy. I couldn’t understand why the client would choose a more expensive option, so I offered to drop by while on a business trip to Taipei. When I met the client, I explained that according to PBOC regulations, banks cannot price long-term loans using the 6-month lending rate. The client understood, and I returned to Hong Kong that same day. The next day, the client called to say they were giving us the project! Again, the “3P Principle” applies here.

1. Perseverance: Even after being rejected, I continued communicating with the client. 2. Perspective: Here, there were two potential rejections. First, the client might refuse to meet in Taipei. If I said I was making a special trip, they might not see me because it would put pressure on them. But if I said, “Can I drop by?” the pressure was much less. This was like giving them an option to say, “No, we won’t change our decision.” Second, during the Taipei meeting, I realized that if the CFO retracted his verbal commitment to the other bank, he would lose face. So, he needed a solid reason. When I emphasized that the other bank’s plan was non-compliant with regulations, I provided a legitimate face-saving exit. A Taiwanese company engaging in illegal financing in mainland China, if discovered by regulators, could implicate other Taiwanese businesses. That’s clearly not a risk worth taking.

3. Positive: Although the other bank had already secured the project and the door seemed closed, I wasn’t afraid of rejection and went to Taipei to knock on the door. In real life, we encounter more “No” than “Yes.” When rejected, try the “3P Principle.” Whether in life or work, you never know if you can change the outcome without trying. Don’t let regret happen. Take control and wish you success.

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