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What is Big Data? What is O2O? What is Blue Ocean? What is Red Ocean? What is Internet Thinking? What is Crowdfunding? The following anecdotes will tell you all, simply and brutally!

What is Big Data?

The phone rang at a Pizza Hut. The customer service representative picked up.

CSR: Pizza Hut. Hello, how may I help you? Customer: Hello, I'd like to order... CSR: Sir, could you please provide your membership card number first? Customer: 16846146***. CSR: Mr. Chen, hello! You live at Room 1205, 12th Floor, No. 1 Quanzhou Road. Your home phone is 2646****, your office phone is 4666****, and your mobile is 1391234****. Which number would you like to use for payment? Customer: How do you know all my phone numbers? CSR: Mr. Chen, because we are connected to the CRM system. Customer: I'd like a seafood pizza... CSR: Mr. Chen, seafood pizza is not suitable for you. Customer: Why? CSR: According to your medical records, your blood pressure and cholesterol are both high. Customer: What do you recommend then? CSR: You could try our low-fat healthy pizza. Customer: How do you know I'd like that? CSR: Last Monday, you borrowed a book titled "Low-Fat Healthy Recipes" from the National Library. Customer: Okay. I'll take a family extra-large pizza. How much is it? CSR: 99 yuan. That's enough for your family of six. But your mother should eat less; she had heart bypass surgery last month and is still recovering. Customer: Can I pay by card? CSR: Mr. Chen, I'm sorry. Please pay in cash, because your credit card is maxed out. You currently owe the bank 4,807 yuan, not including mortgage interest. Customer: Then I'll go to the nearby ATM to withdraw cash. CSR: Mr. Chen, according to your records, you have exceeded today's withdrawal limit. Customer: Forget it. Just deliver the pizza to my home. I have cash there. How long will it take? CSR: About 30 minutes. If you don't want to wait, you can ride your bike here. Customer: Why? CSR: According to our CRM's global positioning system and vehicle tracking records, you have a motorcycle with plate number SB-748, and you are currently riding it on the east section of Jiefang Road, right side of Hualian Shopping Mall. Customer: Immediately fainted...

What is O2O?

A wealthy man (O) supports a female college student (B) with 20,000 yuan per month. B, in turn, uses 10,000 yuan to support a male student (C) (B2C). C feels it's unfair and spends 5,000 yuan to support a younger girl (o). o realizes she's at the bottom of this food chain and is unhappy, so she directly contacts O via WeChat. They kick out B and C (cutting out the middlemen) and transact directly for 8,000 yuan per month. (The core of O2O and Internet thinking is: eliminate intermediaries.)

What is Blue Ocean?

Yesterday, I parked near the Shangri-La Hotel and saw a parking spot. A Maybach was about to pull in. I walked up, knocked on his window, and threw a 100-yuan bill at him, saying, "I've got my eye on this spot; go park elsewhere!" He thought I was underestimating him and threw a dozen 100-yuan bills at my face, telling me to get lost. Then I did the same thing again... Wow, I made over 20,000 yuan in one night!

What is Red Ocean?

I posted my money-making experience online, and it went viral. Many people wanted to learn from me and copy my method. Soon, the streets were full of people holding 100-yuan bills, all looking for luxury cars to find parking spots.

What is Internet Thinking?

Seeing so many people wandering the streets with 100-yuan bills, I knew my opportunity had come. So I rented a luxury Maybach and drove it onto the street, heading toward those people waiting with 100-yuan bills. Whenever someone handed me 100 yuan to give up my parking spot, I simply took their money... Enough said, another person with 100 yuan is coming.

What is Crowdfunding?

It's cold, and I want to eat hot pot but don't want to go out. What to do? First, invite 5 people. Call the first: "Buy some vegetables on your way; we just need veggies." Then the second: "Buy some lamb on your way; we just need meat." Then the third: "Buy some frozen tofu and assorted meatballs; we just need that." Then the fourth: "We just need drinks." Finally, the fifth: "We're short on hot pot base; bring some." Then hang up, boil water, and wait...

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