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1. Praise actions, not the person For example, if the other person is a chef, never say: "You are a great chef." He knows there are many chefs better than him. But if you tell him that you eat at his restaurant half the week, that is a very clever compliment.
2. Express praise through a third party If the other person hears your praise indirectly through someone else, it brings more surprise than telling them directly. Conversely, if you are criticizing someone, never tell the person through a third party to avoid adding fuel to the fire.
3. Polite remarks should be just right Polite words show your respect and gratitude, so they should be moderate. If someone does a small thing for you, just say "Thank you" or "Sorry, this is a trouble for you." As for phrases like "I am shallow and ignorant, please give me more guidance," such emotionless polite words can be omitted.
4. When facing others' praise, just say thank you When ordinary people are praised, they mostly reply "It's okay" or smile it off. Instead, it's better to accept it frankly and directly say thank you. Sometimes when someone compliments our clothing or something, if you say "It's just a cheap item," it might embarrass the other person.
5. Have the magnanimity to appreciate competitors When your opponent or someone you dislike is praised, don't rush to say "But..." Even if you don't agree, on the surface you should say "Yes, he works hard." Show your magnanimity.
6. Criticism also depends on the relationship Good advice may not be unpleasant, but even if you mean well, the other person may not appreciate it or may even misunderstand your intentions. Unless you have a certain friendship or trust foundation with the other person, don't casually offer criticism.
7. Criticism can also be pleasant A more acceptable way to say it is: "About your..., I have some thoughts, maybe you could listen."
8. Timing is important Never on Monday morning, as most people have Monday blues. Also, don't do it before leaving work on Friday, to avoid ruining the other person's weekend mood.
9. Pay attention to the occasion Don't criticize your friends or colleagues in front of outsiders; say these things behind closed doors.
10. Offer suggestions at the same time Besides criticism, you should also provide positive improvement suggestions to make your criticism more persuasive.
11. Avoid saying things that shouldn't be said Like "No, it should be..." Such words make you seem deliberately picking a fight. Also, we often say "I heard..." which feels like you're spreading rumors, and it's inappropriate.
12. Don't answer "Just as I thought" This is a very bad phrase. When the other person hears this response, they might think: Are you asking knowingly? So just agree by saying "Yes!"
13. Change useless catchphrases Everyone has habitual catchphrases, but they can easily cause resentment. For example: "Do you know what I mean?", "Are you clear?", "Basically...", "Honestly..."
14. Remove unnecessary noises Some people habitually add particles like "ah" at the end of every sentence, such as "That's what I mean, ah" or "Of course, la." In more formal occasions, this appears less solemn and steady.
15. Don't ask what the other person's company does If you meet someone at an event and they introduce themselves as working at a certain company, never ask: "What does your company do?" This event might be hosted by their company, and if you don't know, it's awkward. Also, don't say "I heard you're doing well!" because they might have had a 30% drop in performance this quarter. You should say: "What position do you hold in the company?" If you don't know their occupation, don't ask, because they might be unemployed.
16. Don't ask "why" to people you're not familiar with If you don't have enough friendship, asking "why?" can sometimes imply blame or prying into privacy. For example, "Why did you do that?" or "Why did you make this decision?" These questions should be avoided.
17. Don't assume everyone knows you When you meet someone you've seen before but don't know well, never say "Do you remember me?" If they can't recall, it's awkward. The best method is to introduce yourself first: "Hello, I'm ×××, glad to see you again."
18. Refusing can also be polite During a meal, if the host recommends something you don't want to eat, you can say: "Sorry, I can't eat this dish, but I'll eat more of..." Let them feel you genuinely like and appreciate the food they prepared. If you're full, say: "These dishes are delicious; if I weren't full, I'd eat more."
19. Don't show you're better than the other person In social conversations, if someone says they just went to New York for a week, don't say you went for a month last time; that would ruin the other person's interest. Instead, follow their lead and share your feelings and love for New York.
20. Don't correct others' mistakes Don't be too nosy correcting others' pronunciation, grammar, or facts. It not only embarrasses them but also makes you seem showy.
21. Don't pretend to know when you don't If you don't understand the topic of conversation, frankly say: "I'm not clear on this issue." Others won't continue to press you. If you pretend to know, you're more likely to say something wrong.
22. Master the one-second principle After listening to others, pause for one second before answering, showing you were listening carefully. If you reply immediately, it feels like you were waiting to interrupt.
23. Hear what is not said When you listen to someone, you only hear what they know and are willing to tell you. Besides listening, we must also observe. How do they behave? What work do they do? How do they allocate time and money?
24. Choose a reasonable time When you need to discuss something with a colleague or supervisor, choose the right time based on the importance of your issue. If it's personal trivialities, don't disturb them when they're deep in thought. If you don't know when they're free, write to them first.
25. Smile and refuse to answer private questions If asked a private question you don't want to answer or that makes you uncomfortable, smile and say: "I can't answer that question." This won't embarrass the other person and keeps your boundaries.
26. Refuse indirectly In many social occasions, drinking is unavoidable. Don't directly say "I don't drink" and spoil the fun. Instead, humorously say: "I'm better at pouring drinks for everyone."
27. Introduce yourself first If you forget the other person's name, treat it as a formal occasion, introduce your name or give your business card, and the other person will naturally introduce theirs, avoiding the embarrassment of not knowing their name.
28. Don't be a gossip transmitter When a group chats about someone's gossip or rumors, don't casually agree, because anything said will surely reach the person involved. The best method is not to take a stance, just say: "I'm not too clear on that part."
29. Issue a dismissal order If you think it's time to end the conversation or see the guest out, but the other person seems not to be leaving, you can say: "Sorry, I need to make a phone call, it might take a while..." or "Thank you so much for coming today..." You can also casually glance at your watch to let them know it's time to go.
30. Make the other person feel important If asking a senior for help, say: "Because I trust you a lot, I want to consult with you..." Let them feel respected.
31. Directly describe the current situation When you disagree with a subordinate, don't directly criticize; instead, explain where the differences lie.
32. Seek solutions If a subordinate's performance is poor, ask how they can solve it, and don't take a threatening attitude.
33. Proactively offer help If you can't solve a subordinate's problem immediately, don't say "Don't bother me with this kind of thing," but tell them "I know someone who can help."
34. Speak in an equal tone Supervisors should avoid saying "I have decades of experience, just listen to me." A better way is: "I've used this method and it's effective; would you like to try?"
35. Flexibly accept subordinates' opinions Even if you have a fixed idea, don't say to subordinates: "These suggestions have been considered; no need to say more." Instead, give them a chance and say: "I have a plan for this issue, but I still want to hear your views."
Carnegie once said that a person's success is about 15% dependent on knowledge and skills, and 85% on communication—the ability to express one's opinions and inspire enthusiasm in others. Indeed, people who are good at communication are often respected, loved, and supported.
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