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(1) Sense of Humor Humor is a manifestation of intelligence and wisdom. People with a strong sense of humor tend to achieve more and succeed more easily. In fact, everyone has a sense of humor, but it is expressed differently and is often constrained by time, space, and other conditions. When a person expresses their humor, their personality traits become apparent. Below are different forms of humor; comparing their differences and connections helps in better observing and understanding a person.
Using humor to break a deadlock: Such people tend to have strong adaptability and quick reactions. Because of their excellent humorous performance, they may become the center of attention, which also caters to their psychological needs. They often have a strong desire for self-expression and hope to gain attention and recognition from others.
Using humor to mock others frequently: Such people are often narrow-minded and have strong jealousy. They may even resort to kicking someone when they are down. They have a strong sense of inferiority, a negative attitude towards life, and often engage in self-denial. They are good at finding fault and ridiculing others, but rarely feel truly happy themselves.
Using humor to ridicule and satirize others: This type of person gives an initial impression of being witty and humorous, with keen observation and care for others. However, in reality, they are quite selfish and may only care about themselves. They are very cautious in all aspects of life and always try to stay one step ahead of others. They are unforgiving towards those who have hurt them and will find ways to make them pay. They have strong jealousy and will belittle others' achievements.
People who are good at self-deprecating humor: They usually have courage, as self-mockery is not something everyone can do. They are broad-minded, accept others' opinions and suggestions, and often engage in self-reflection and self-criticism to find and correct their own mistakes. This quality earns them admiration and helps build good interpersonal relationships.
People who enjoy practical jokes: They are lively, cheerful, warm, and generous. They live lightly and know how to relieve stress. They are natural and casual in speech and behavior, disliking constraints. They are playful and like to joke, deriving pleasure from it and hoping to infect others with their joy.
Some people prepare humorous anecdotes in advance to show off their humor, repeating them in various settings. This type tends to be keen on formalities and cares about others' attitudes towards them. Their own attitude towards life is serious and reserved, and they can control their emotions.
In contrast, others let humor flow naturally. These people have active minds, strong imagination, and creativity. Although they are quick-witted, they do not thrive in well-structured environments but prefer freedom. Their lives are spent discovering new things, and they need others' experiences to develop and refine their own ideas.
(2) Flatterers During the Northern Song Dynasty, when Wang Anshi implemented reforms, he appointed some new officials. Shao Yong wrote to him: "Now that you are in power, some people have opinions about your reforms. Especially those with a strong sense of morality, though their words are harsh and often annoy you, will help you in the future. On the contrary, those who are good at flattering and toadying may please you now, but once you lose power, some of them will betray you. You should be wary of such sycophants." Later, as Shao Yong predicted, Lü Huiqing, who was deeply appreciated by Wang Anshi and always flattered him, betrayed him.
How to identify flatterers? There are three main ways: actions, language, and demeanor—that is, the way they do things, the words they use, and the expressions on their faces. Obsequious people imitate their leaders' walking posture, speech, and even tone.
Just as iron filings are attracted to a magnet, sycophants and flatterers cling to their superiors as a support. If the magnetic field is turned off, these flatterers will scatter like lifeless iron filings, appearing foolish and laughable. Righteous people disdain such behavior. The ancients said: "Not flattering when associating with the high-ranking is the true essence of friendship." Those who use sweet words and observe expressions are considered unrighteous villains. Historical examples include Gongsun Hong, who twisted the purpose of learning into flattery; Xiao Cheng, who was gentle and good at praise; Guo Ba, who tasted Wei Yuanzhong's urine; Song Zhiwen, who held a chamber pot for Zhang Yizhi and others; Zhao Lüwen, who willingly acted as a beast of burden for Princess Anle; and Ding Wei, who wiped soup stains from Kou Zhun's beard at a banquet. These people are recorded in history and shamed for eternity.
Flattery varies in degree, unlike pure admiration or worship. Many people unconsciously play the role of being subservient to their superiors, while others do so intentionally. Common reasons include: keeping one's job (a big tree provides good shade), hiding true intentions (planning to change jobs without being noticed), easing tension (why make waves? better to be amiable), and focusing on personal advancement (winning the boss's favor benefits one's career).
(3) Greetings Greeting when meeting is a way to show friendliness and recognition in social interactions. Because greetings are the simplest and most direct form of etiquette, everyone does it, and it is highly common in daily life. Therefore, the way one greets reveals information about their personality.
Greeting styles vary from person to person, and both the greeting and the response can reflect personality traits.
The distance during a greeting can indicate the psychological distance between two people. When we greet each other, if we can perceive the distance the other person maintains, we can gain insight into their psychological state. For example, if the other person deliberately steps back two or three steps during a greeting, they may think it is polite and humble, but this small action is often misinterpreted as coldness, making it difficult to start a conversation or chat freely. Such intentional distance may indicate wariness, humility, or concern. If the distance is subconscious, it suggests we are distancing ourselves, being cautious, and trying to create a favorable atmosphere for ourselves, putting the other at a psychological disadvantage.
People who nod while staring at you are wary. Those who nod while looking into your eyes during a greeting not only have caution but also a desire to be in a superior position.
Some people nod while staring into your eyes, using the greeting to gauge your psychological state, while also showing caution and a desire to be superior.
Public relations experts suggest that to get close to such people, you should pay special attention to sincerity. Showing your weaknesses in front of them may lead to contempt, so you should not rush but adopt a long-term approach.
People who do not look you in the eye when greeting often have an inferiority complex. If you look into the other person's eyes when greeting, but they do not meet your gaze, it is not a sign of disrespect. At this time, you should suppress your emotions and respond calmly. The other person may be shy or have a strong inferiority complex, not arrogance. They are like a frog stared at by a snake. Remember not to be the snake, so that both parties can be equal and understand each other.
People who greet casually on first meeting are trying to create a favorable situation for themselves. People who greet casually on first meeting often surprise others. Some may think they are frivolous, but in fact, they are often lonely and eager to get close to others. For example, when a woman sits next to you at a bar or club and talks intimately despite being strangers, she is actually trying to make the situation favorable for herself. Public relations experts warn that women should be especially careful when encountering men who act familiar on first meeting, as they may take advantage. Such men are romantic and generous, but also fickle, weak-willed, and infatuated with women, and some may be idle.
People who greet in the same way every time, even after frequent meetings, are often self-defensive and inconsistent. Some people have drunk together many times and worked together often, but still greet in the same routine way. Such people have a self-defensive personality.
Some people say "Thank you, don't be so polite" when receiving a gift, which is normal. But others pretend not to know. When you are unsure if they received your gift, they may greet you casually, and later, when alone, say, "I received your gift the other day, thank you." Such people often hold important positions, so they cannot be too casual in speech. At work, they avoid unnecessary talk beyond work-related matters.
Others appear very serious at work but are fond of playing mahjong in private. Such people have a large discrepancy between their public and private selves and value reputation highly.
- "Greeting phrases" reveal personality. Dr. Stanley Frager, a psychologist at the University of Louisville, found that from a person's greeting phrase, you can learn many personality traits. The revealing greeting is the one you use most often when you first meet someone or encounter an acquaintance. Dr. Frager listed several common greetings, each revealing the speaker's characteristics.
"Hello!" Such people are calm to the point of being conservative, diligent and meticulous in work, able to control their emotions, dislike fuss, and are trusted by friends.
"Hey!" Such people are cheerful, lively, energetic, eager for admiration, straightforward, quick-witted, creative, have a good sense of humor, and are good at listening to different opinions.
"Hi!" Such people are shy, sentimental, easily embarrassed, and often hesitate to try new things for fear of making mistakes. But they can also be warm and likable, especially with family or close friends. They prefer staying home with loved ones to going out.
"Come here!" Such people are mostly decisive, willing to share feelings and thoughts, love adventure, but can learn from failures in time.
"So glad to see you." Such people are mostly cheerful, warm, humble, and like to participate in various activities. They are optimists, often indulging in fantasies and prone to emotional decisions.
"What's new?" Such people are ambitious, love to get to the bottom of things, and are keen on material enjoyment. They plan carefully and are organized; they prefer to listen rather than express opinions.
"How are you?" Such people like to be in the spotlight, using opportunities to show off and attract attention. They are confident but sometimes confused. They think carefully before acting and, once they accept a task, they devote themselves fully until it is completed.
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