In workplace interactions, showing more goodwill and professionalism is the best way to pave your own path.
“Dear, how have you been?” When a former colleague sends this, what do you do?
My college classmate C recently encountered such a “greeting.” This former colleague is a senior product manager who, after leaving C's company, reportedly went to Tencent. The two had only worked together on a small project before, and their relationship wasn't close. This greeting at this time left C puzzled.
“I'm fine, and you?” “Not bad, same as usual, how about you?” “Oh, you're so busy, why did you think of me?” “Hey, long time no see, I've missed you. I'm fine, what's up?” “It's been so long since we last contacted, I thought you'd forgotten me. What's the matter?” ... ...
Most people would first respond tentatively based on their relationship with the colleague, as above—intimate, polite, teasing, or businesslike—but none of these tones can suppress the inner question: “What does he really want from me?”
So, there are roughly two possibilities when a former colleague greets you: they want you to do something for them, or they're just bored.
Setting aside boredom, “They want me to do something, ask for help? What kind of thing? Official or personal? Why me? Is our relationship that close?” A series of questions immediately swirl in your mind. Let's break it down...
Four situations of “asking you to do something”
1. Taking on a side job
In the first situation, the former colleague certainly values your strength in some area, or perhaps your overall career potential, and hopes to entrust you with a task. There's an element of trust here.
It's possible they're in a hurry and can't find anyone else, but even so, the expectation that you can complete the task and deliver good results is visible in this tentative greeting.
For you, whether to take on a side job mainly involves balancing it with your current work, personal life, career path, and time allocation.
Once you agree, you're aiming not to betray that trust. If you balance it well, over time you might become a “super individual” with a freelance mindset. On one hand, you continue at your current company; on the other, you broaden your career path and achieve multiple professional identities.
If you handle it poorly, accepting it is like throwing yourself into a whirlpool—juggling time, struggling with work, and the deadline becomes a kind of verdict.
From the recipient's perspective, the former colleague's role is relatively stable—they're the buyer and demand side. But if their attitude wavers between testing and observing, you might also observe between accepting and rejecting, looking at the pay, the progress, your own state, and their attitude, and decide dynamically whether to accept the side job.
2. Poaching
My classmate C encountered the second situation. The other party was direct, saying that C had left a deep impression during their previous collaboration—quick execution, good feedback, and good results. Now they had a similar project and hoped C would jump ship to help them.
Poaching you means they value you. Also, daring to poach from your current company means they're offering at least better pay and a more attractive career plan, showing they're not afraid of offending people.
The workplace is a huge trading platform, and talent mobility is normal. At this point, staying or leaving becomes a new question.
C's situation wasn't that complicated—the former colleague valued his work ability, there happened to be a suitable vacancy, and the colleague thought it would be attractive to C with room for growth, so they tried to poach him.
But if the situation is that they value not just your personal ability but also your current resources or projects, then the problem becomes more complex.
That is, if the new opportunity overlaps or competes with your current company's business, you should consider the long-term issue of your career development:
If they value your resources, like a big project, then when the project follows you, the project progress and your former colleague's and company's evaluation of you will inevitably be affected. Can you face negative evaluations? How will you handle these impacts? Have you thought it through?
Also, if you're poached and take your big project, but the original company's platform and resources don't follow you, can you achieve greater value at the new company? In other words, is the big project you take with you truly something you can accomplish alone?
Clearly and objectively assess yourself: without the original team's support, are you taking an opportunity or a big pit?
Although job changes often involve transferring big projects, more seasoned professionals understand the value of letting go. Only by letting go can you gain more. After all, taking a single deal might show your value, but if you become a brand yourself, what's a single deal?
There are examples. He Han from last year's hit drama “The First Half of My Life” is such a character.
He Han (Image from the drama)
When he left, his former company thought they needed to race against time to retain his old clients, fearing they'd leave with him. Meanwhile, He Han was telling his old clients to continue cooperating with the former company, because the former company's platform and resources were more valuable to them.
Ordinary people fuss over small gains and losses; masters understand the principle of taking a step back for a broader view.
Even so, some old clients insisted on following him, because for them, someone like He Han is a brand and a guarantee of quality.
Career decisions that involve more than just work ability often test one's professional ethics. Some people, even knowing they're capable, still seek win-win cooperation, while others only chase petty gains, forgetting that being a good person matters more than doing things well.
In the end, my classmate C didn't switch jobs. His goal is to be someone like He Han. He wasn't willing to give up his long-term plans for short-term benefits, so he just had a meal with the other party and made a social promise of “cooperate next time.”
3. Seeking information
It's fine if it's just trivial office gossip, but if the conversation involves commercial secrets, it's no small matter.
When you clearly know the former colleague is there to pry for information and even offers you benefits, what would you choose?
In the workplace, there isn't much black and white; it's mostly gray areas under the essence of transactions.
Many people stick to their bottom line because they've set it for themselves and are willing to uphold it, knowing that doing so makes their path steadier and longer.
Others appear peaceful and kind only because the temptation to do wrong isn't strong enough. When faced with huge temptations, many use their poor circumstances (like family difficulties, sick parents, hungry children) as excuses to take risks, violate industry rules, or even break the law. Too many TV dramas show such conflicts, but the real workplace is often even more dramatic.
In January last year, Huawei internally announced that six former mid-to-senior executives were arrested, suspected of leaking information to LeEco and Coolpad. At the end of last year, Huawei executive Teng Hongfei was taken for investigation, shocking the industry. Objectively, management and system loopholes need reflection, but professional ethics are the root cause.
A senior colleague of mine said that three things particularly reflect professional ethics: how you handle joining, leaving, and your daily discretion.
To put it extremely, some people don't strictly follow confidentiality agreements; they weigh the size of the benefit. The bigger the temptation, the more information they leak. These people, called scum of the workplace, risk breaking the law to make “quick” money, and professional ethics mean nothing to them.
From a management perspective, this involves a company's ability to assess and use people. From a personal perspective, when a former colleague seeking information approaches you, in their mind, you're at least someone they can “communicate” with. This stems partly from your past attitude of “all men are brothers,” and partly because a loose tongue might be exploited.
For you, once any “leak” occurs, it triggers a chain reaction. The former colleague might come back repeatedly, and you might go deeper down the illegal path of selling information. Don't think you can wash your hands of it, because you might be blackmailed.
These are the most severe consequences of “seeking information.” Compared to these terrible outcomes, the saying “keep a lid on your mouth” is much easier.
4. Seeking cooperation
The premise of a win-win situation is cooperation. So, if such a greeting is aimed at cooperation, it can be defined as a work connection.
The success or failure of a work connection often depends on the history of interaction between the two parties. This is the real basis for making the next judgment.
For example, if in past interactions this colleague was sluggish, perfunctory, always trying to take advantage and shirk responsibility, then no matter what olive branch they extend now, your first thought is suspicion and refusal:
“This person is so unreliable, what kind of cooperation could they offer? It might even be a trap. I shouldn't dig a hole for myself.”
“This person isn't good. Even if they've really made it as they boast, I don't want to cooperate with them.”
... ...
At this moment, you might superficially say you'll report it and seek your leader's opinion, but what you're really doing is “cooperation has risks, rejection rate is high.”
If the past interaction was decent, with several effective and successful historical events, and your personalities and habits are compatible, especially if you had positive磨合 (working through differences) and found common ground, then the possibility of working together again is higher. At this point, suspicion turns into an open attitude of “why not try.”
Given your recognition of the other party, the new colleague's cooperation proposal might be quickly evaluated, reported, and put on the agenda. Whether the cooperation succeeds is another matter, but the speed of feedback and the sincerity of cooperation already indicate progress at some level, laying the groundwork for future win-win outcomes and increasing the likelihood of success.
In short, the basis of these possibilities is called “experience,” and at the root, it's workplace trust.
In our careers, whether or not our relationship can elevate to true friendship, if we once considered the other person “reliable,” the foundation for meeting again and cooperating is more solid. If we have more memories of talking past each other, wasting breath, then even receiving a greeting like “Dear, how have you been?” will likely fizzle out in awkward small talk or even be ignored.
Unless it's an extremely dramatic, unique, or highly tempting situation, otherwise, the past is how the present and future will be, because there's no “workplace trust” between the two parties.
Only with trust can there be cooperation; only with cooperation can there be opportunities for growth.
A person who is disliked by colleagues everywhere and a person everyone wants to bring on board—even in the same position and company—their career tracks are already on different paths, sometimes worlds apart.
Being recognized is certainly good. Only when we are recognized by most peers in a field or circle do we have more chances to become an expert in that field, or in trendy terms, “become a top player.”
Outsiders watch the excitement, insiders watch the craft. Through working with you, they know you have “craft,” which is a concrete manifestation of building your personal brand. At this point, perceptions like “reliable, want to cooperate, he can handle it, I trust him with it” have already formed in the mind of the former colleague contacting you (and their current platform and resources, which can provide a basis for cooperation with you).
Lin Fan, founder and CEO of Maimai, said at an event that all workplace socializing and connections are driven by two factors: a real and effective personal professional image, and dissemination. Now many people join various communities, activities, and conferences to make more connections. “Once you have a good image and sufficient connections and exposure, all opportunities will come to you.”
A greeting from a former colleague based on cooperation intent is exactly a connection built on these two factors. On one hand, you indeed have a real professional image; on the other hand, this connection based on cooperation intent is what many people aim for when joining communities, activities, and conferences—it's a connection of people and resources. If the connection is good, everyone will look forward to an effective outcome.
So, whether you're being greeted or greeting a former colleague, if you want to cooperate, interaction history is important. Deeply understanding this influencing factor and showing more focus and dedication in workplace interactions is the best way to pave your own path.
Finally
If you dare to take on a side job, you must ensure you do it well. When facing poaching, you must clearly think about whether what's being poached is you or the resources you currently hold. Being discreet is definitely not a bad thing. As a contact person, the basis for cooperation is important.
Anyone with some workplace experience will more or less encounter greetings from former colleagues. Regarding what to uphold and what to let go, top performers often show better judgment and know when to advance or retreat.
More importantly, in their interactions with anyone in the workplace, they have built a personal brand through strict requirements and high standards for their work, so whether in side jobs or official cooperation, they always handle it with ease. This is worth learning for most professionals.
On the flip side, as an employee, what would you do if a former colleague suddenly greets you?
And if you're a company boss or a manager, and an employee is “enticed” by a former colleague, what would you do?
Source: World Executive -END-