Many people, when discussing job opportunities with headhunters, may not have a clear intention to leave. They might just be casually looking due to a friend's recommendation, but after a good conversation, the other party extends an offer. When they return to resign and are retained, they become conflicted.
Comparing the two options—income, team, development, space, distance—we won't discuss these. I just want to take a different angle, from the perspective of the boss or direct supervisor, to deduce the possible evolution after you resign and they retain you.
If it's just verbal retention without any changes in income, position, or work direction, it might just be a formality. You don't need to take it too seriously.
In Chinese culture, loyalty is highly valued. Once you resign, even if you are eventually retained, the boss's trust in you usually diminishes.
If you are in a key department, the boss's first reaction is to immediately create a backup for the position, because no one knows when you might become unhappy again. The boss cannot afford repeated disruptions. Once the backup is in place, your position becomes awkward. Therefore, many retention offers of promotion or salary increase are temporary, purely because the company currently has no one available. Once the boss has time to recover, they will deal with you later. You can think: why didn't they promote you or raise your salary before? Didn't the company know your value? As soon as you say you want to leave, they hastily give you things. The boss is certainly not willing, feeling a bit coerced, and the psychological gap is inevitable. They will eventually turn the tables—'one zhang red' (a punishment from ancient China) awaits.
I have a product friend who was a product director at an O2O company. He received several offers from outside with 30%-50% higher salary. When he resigned, the boss immediately raised his salary and used various means to retain him, making various promises and painting a grand picture. They had at least three big drinking sessions, each time heartfelt, even with tearful eyes, vowing never to part and to strive together until the revolution succeeds. My friend was moved by his sincerity, so he turned down all opportunities and devoted himself to the company's products. However, three months later, a new product director arrived, and my friend was fired.
We have a small statistic: among candidates who resigned and were retained, less than 1/4 survived in the company for more than a year.
Why do people hastily resign? To a large extent, it's due to psychological noise before deciding to change jobs.
- Psychological noise is a common phenomenon, referring to a psychological disturbance that seems important but actually deviates from long-term aspirations.
For example, a candidate lives far from the company, with a one-way commute of over 2 hours. Initially tolerable, but over time, various conflicts emerge: less time with family, arguments with spouse, long commute, insufficient rest, decreased energy, work errors, boss's doubts, missed salary increases, income dissatisfaction, inability to participate in company activities, strained relationships with colleagues, etc. Eventually, one day it erupts—'I want a job closer to home; anything over 30 minutes one-way is not considered.'
- Under the influence of psychological noise, a persistent psychological theme forms. All problems in the workplace are attributed to the company being too far from home, time constraints, and inability to balance various demands. In choosing an offer, distance becomes the most important, even the only criterion, surpassing development, platform, income, interest, and other usual career choice factors. But this is undoubtedly a mistake of treating the symptom rather than the cause. Let's imagine: if you choose this way, the distance issue is solved, but once that conflict disappears, other problems will inevitably surface, like 'pressing down the gourd to raise the ladle.'
This reminds me of a joke: you go out shopping, and on the way, you urgently need to use the restroom. You search everywhere, running around in circles. The only thought in your head is 'restroom, toilet, bathroom, WC'—like bullet comments. You can't remember the purpose of your trip. Once you successfully relieve yourself, you breathe a sigh of relief and then remember why you came out. Here, the urgent need is a typical psychological noise. You didn't come out just to use the restroom; shopping is your real purpose.
- Psychological noise is an emotional state. Since it arises, we cannot ignore it. Common workplace psychological noises include distance, a leader who annoys you, incompetent teammates, uncomfortable office environment, rigid attendance policies, inconvenient dining, parking troubles, etc. We have seen extreme cases where someone resigned because the air was dry and the company didn't provide a humidifier. But when making major career choices, we still need to clarify which are short-term conflicts and which are truly long-term needs. Let your mind calm down for a while, soothe the psychological noise, and then your choice will undoubtedly better align with your fundamental interests.
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