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When it comes to work coaching, almost every conversation I have with clients touches on the topic of communication. They have various goals: some want to become more confident, others need help with conflict management, and some find it difficult to express their ideas in group settings.

Reflecting on previous conversations, I realize that most of the time we aren't discussing complex ideas. Workplace communication is basic, yet it seems to overwhelm many people.

Therefore, to make our communication more meaningful, I have five small suggestions to offer my clients. You can check if they work for you and start applying these communication skills in your real work life.

Stop Saying 'But,' Start Saying 'Maybe'

Have you noticed that you often say, "I like this idea, but we need to do it differently"?

Once you say the word 'but,' others immediately forget that you like the idea. Because 'but' makes the preceding words seem meaningless, and what follows 'but' is the real point.

However, if you use 'maybe,' the same sentence can be phrased as: "I like this idea, maybe doing it with a slight change would be more effective."

Do you hear the difference?

In Tina Fey's book Bossypants, she breaks down the rules of improvisation. One of those rules is to always say "Yes, and..." or "Yes, maybe..." This shows respect for what your partner is saying (even if you don't agree), helps you maintain an optimistic and open mindset during the performance, and is also beneficial when you build on others' ideas and add your own during communication. The same applies to workplace communication.

Stick to Facts

I often hear people make statements without basing them on facts—like "She gave this to me," "My boss hates me," or "I know she regrets hiring me."

For these, I always ask: "Is that a fact? Did she tell you that? Or what observations led you to these conclusions?"

Effective communication is indeed difficult, but you don't have to ramble without knowing the facts. A good communicator always speaks with facts.

Remember that the facts of any issue may differ from your perception of it. Perhaps the situation you see is related to your unique work style, or maybe your boss was under a lot of pressure and vented on you. Regardless, unless you know the facts, it's best not to comment with a biased view but to focus on the truth of the matter.

Avoid 'Positional Defense'

When communication problems arise at work, people rarely communicate; they defend their positions.

For example, Megan and Jason are colleagues discussing a project. Megan says, "This project is a bit difficult for our team; we need more help." Jason says, "If everyone puts in a little more time, we can definitely finish it." Their focus is different, so this is not a meaningful conversation and doesn't achieve good communication. Megan feels frustrated because Jason isn't listening to her. Jason thinks Megan is like a broken record, lacking confidence and backbone.

This is not communication; it's positional defense.

A good communicator asks questions and tries to understand all aspects of the problem—rather than repeating their own viewpoint.

For instance, Jason could say, "Which part of the project troubles you?" or "Tell me more about where you think the weaknesses are."

Similarly, Megan could express, "It sounds like we have completely different ideas about this project. I wonder if everyone putting in more time would truly solve the problem," or "Should we carefully evaluate this project and ensure it's realistic to spend more time given our current resources?"

Have you noticed that if we listen carefully and explore others' viewpoints, we won't be so frustrated, and it can elevate you to a higher level?

In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey advocates: "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." Only when we first understand others' thoughts will they understand us in return.

The 'Silence' Strategy

Many conversations are ineffective because participants are busy thinking about what to say next and neglect listening to what the other person is saying. How to remedy this? Make an effort to use moments of silence.

When you feel silence is negative or uncomfortable, it's time for the listener to reflect on what was just said and give the speaker time to organize their response, easing the atmosphere.

So, next time you communicate with someone, focus on listening, make good use of silence, try to understand what the other person is saying during that time, and carefully consider how to respond when you speak. Learn to cherish and use silence rather than fear it; this is also a way to build better communication.

Actively Engage with Others' Perspectives

Recently, an American college student who had just finished an internship at a hotel chain in the UK told me about the most challenging part of his work. He said the diversity of the workplace surprised him; everyone seemed to come from different countries and spoke different dialects.

The most challenging part was not knowing how to communicate with his colleagues so they truly understood him. To do better, he had to understand where his colleagues came from, their English proficiency, their roles, and more importantly, their individual differences.

Such high-performance communication is indeed a great example!

To make people truly understand you and for you to better understand others, you need to filter the main content of what the other person says and summarize, because cultural factors can influence their viewpoints. The hardest part is that you can't personally see what they've experienced.

In short, just because you say something doesn't mean others will understand. Good communication requires time to understand where the other person comes from, whether they are influenced by local culture, professional, and personal factors. Once you understand these differences, to some extent, you will be better understood in communication.

Excellent communicators may be born, but they also need effort. This time they use this communication method effectively, but next time it may not work because your colleagues will notice. So you need to adapt and change continuously to be more confident in future communication and work, thereby making continuous progress and reaching new heights!

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