---
title: "What Really Sets You Apart from Communication Masters?"
description: "Communication is not just about speaking; it involves both receiving and conveying information, with listening being the most critical component. Effective listening helps you gain information, understand others, and achieve communication goals, so improving your listening skills is key to becoming a communication master."
author: "睡午觉的猫"
publisher: "New Distribution"
email: "zhaobo258@gmail.com"
telephone: "+8615854817671"
published: "2016-06-03"
language: "en"
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# What Really Sets You Apart from Communication Masters?

> Communication is not just about speaking; it involves both receiving and conveying information, with listening being the most critical component. Effective listening helps you gain information, understand others, and achieve communication goals, so improving your listening skills is key to becoming a communication master.

1
What Exactly Is "Communication"?
When it comes to communication, do you think that "being articulate" means being good at communicating? And what you most desire is probably the "speaking skills" of communication masters, right?
But the secret of communication masters is not "speaking skills."
Communication actually consists of two parts: receiving information and conveying information. Any communication activity is an interweaving of these two processes. Effective communication occurs when both parties continuously receive and convey information to achieve the purpose of communication:
- Information is received (heard or read)
- Understood
- Accepted
- The other party takes action (changes behavior or attitude)
If communication fails to achieve these four goals, it is unsuccessful. Usually, you will hear complaints from both parties during or after communication, such as "They don't listen to me at all" or "I just can't communicate with this person."
2
What Is the Key to Communication?
What do you think is the most important part of communication? Speaking, or conveying information, right? Let's look at a study on how white-collar workers spend their time.
Researchers recorded participants' activities every 15 minutes over two months. They found that white-collar workers spent 7 out of every 10 waking minutes on communication activities. Of that, 39% was spent conveying information: 9% writing (written) + 30% speaking (oral). **61% was spent receiving: 16% reading (written) + 45% listening (auditory)**.
This study's findings are supported by many other studies. So, the research tells us that **on average, 45% of communication time is spent listening, and 31.5% of all waking time is spent listening. The largest component of communication is not speaking, but listening.**
Various communication techniques have long focused on improving our ability to convey information more effectively, such as speaking more clearly, concisely, and accurately, and being more confident and considerate. We might subconsciously assume that as we grow and gain experience, the proportion of listening and receiving information shifts to conveying information. But in fact, the opposite is true. Research shows that **listening is the primary component of communication. And it is the important component we have long neglected.**
Conveying information is certainly important. But "communication" is not just about speaking; information is not automatically conveyed, understood, accepted, or able to inspire action. It's not just about personal charm or persuasion. The foundation of effective communication lies in understanding that "**any communication activity is an interweaving of receiving and conveying information**." To convey your message and achieve communication goals, you must continuously receive the other person's information during the interaction and reach agreement. Therefore, "listening" is the skill we most urgently need to improve.
When you think about the communication masters around you, besides being articulate, aren't they all good at and willing to listen? Why do the "communication secrets" and "techniques" you try fail? The problem lies not in speaking but in listening. **Without listening, you cannot truly interact; without interaction, information cannot flow and be conveyed, moving toward communication outcomes. So no matter what you want to say or how you say it, why would anyone listen?**
3
Do You Really Know How to "Listen"?
We all seem to think that as long as we don't have hearing impairments, we naturally know how to listen from birth, and no one needs to teach us. But if you think for a few minutes, you'll realize that's not necessarily true. In communication, good listeners gain four benefits:
- First, they obtain information.
- Second, they understand the other person.
- Third, the other person will also listen attentively to you.
- Fourth, they facilitate achieving communication goals (e.g., cooperation).
Are you a good listener?
Let's take a test. Ask yourself these 10 questions and note your answers, yes or no.
> 1. Do you choose an appropriate position to hear the other person clearly?
> 2. Besides the content, do you also listen to the emotions hidden beneath the words?
> 3. Do you ignore the speaker's appearance and focus only on what they say?
> 4. Besides listening, do you also look at the speaker?
> 5. When evaluating the speaker, are you aware of your own biases and feelings?
> 6. Do you keep your attention on the topic and follow the speaker's train of thought?
> 7. Do you try to find the logic and reasoning in what you hear?
> 8. When you hear something you think is wrong, do you refrain from interrupting or stop listening?
> 9. During discussions, are you willing to let others make the final decision?
> 10. When giving opinions, answering, or rebutting, do you first ensure you have considered the other person's position?
If you answered "yes" to all the above questions... Well, my friend, be honest... To be truthful, **listening so attentively every time is exhausting; no one can do it every time.**
If you answered "yes" to about five questions, you are one of us ordinary people. Here, "which questions did we answer 'no' to, and what do these reveal?" is worth exploring. For example: Do you find it hard to listen attentively? Do you only listen attentively when the other person is likable or agrees with you? Do you shut your ears if you don't like the speaker's appearance? Do you let the speaker's appearance affect your judgment of the content?
If you answered "yes" to fewer than five questions, then, my friend, you might want to take some time to reflect. Are you dissatisfied with yourself in some ways? For example, being self-centered, only caring about your own thoughts; being narrow-minded, not valuing others' opinions as much as your own; being unwilling to admit your biases. Because you really don't like listening to others.
4
10 Ways to Improve Your Listening Skills
In the process of improving listening, the 10 questions above are the goals we should strive for, as they cover the most important keys in personal and business communication. Based on these 10 questions, here are 10 suggestions to enhance listening skills that we need to remind ourselves to practice. If we can implement them well in communication, they will become our unique secret to becoming communication masters.
**First, be prepared to listen.**
Communication is a two-way process, so the listener shares responsibility with the speaker. Listening is an active effort. We need to be prepared and willing to make that effort, maintain attention, increase alertness and understanding, and have relevant background knowledge. **Before any meeting, interview, or class, do your "homework" to have a foundation and context.**
**Second, be interested.**
"He's so boring, I can't listen!" If you often say this, you need to remind yourself that **the listener bears half the responsibility**. **Find something in the information relevant to your personal work or interests; any information can be meaningful to you at any time.** Ask yourself often: What is useful to me? How can I use what I learn from others to create more value?
Also, show interest. This is very important. **No one likes talking to a wall.** Again, communication is two-way. If you are the speaker and the other person looks uninterested, how would you feel? If you want to become a master, don't be lazy about this.
**Third, be open-minded.**
Being open-minded means knowing your biases; otherwise, you may reject information you don't like. **If you know your preconceptions, it's easier to control their influence.** Don't feel threatened or insulted by information that conflicts with your beliefs, attitudes, ideas, or values, and don't reject it immediately. **Don't pay attention to the speaker's appearance or delivery style; don't reject their ideas just because you don't like them. Don't jump to conclusions based on the speaker's personality, the information conveyed, or your own reactions.** You might be wrong, and if you conclude too early, you might miss the chance to hear the truth. So, don't rush to conclusions.
**Fourth, listen for main points.**
Poor listeners usually only hear parts of the event. **Learn to distinguish facts from principles, ideas from examples, evidence from reasons. The ability to hear main points depends on identifying the structure, transitions, and repetitions in the information.** Main points may appear at the beginning, middle, or end, so we must always be alert.
**Fifth, listen critically.**
Adopt a neutral but critical attitude toward the speaker's assumptions or reasons, carefully weighing the value of evidence and the logical basis behind the topic. **Don't rush to rebut, judge, or put yourself in a more important position.** Remember, remember, remember!
**Sixth, avoid distractions.**
In other words, be focused. Attention fluctuates, so distraction is common. Although the speaker has a great responsibility to maintain the audience's attention, if the listener is unwilling to focus, even the world's best speaker cannot make them listen. **Most people's attention curve starts high, declines gradually, and rises again at the end, so you need to make extra effort to stay focused in the middle, not get distracted, and not let others distract you.** Others may not be good listeners, but you can prove you are.
**Seventh, take notes.**
If what is said is important to you, it's best to jot down important and specific examples; otherwise, you'll soon forget. However, note-taking can also be distracting, so be flexible; you might listen attentively first and then take notes. In fact, when consulting an expert, it's really appropriate to take notes promptly. On one hand, you record important information without wasting time; on the other hand, the other person feels respected because of your sincerity.
**Eighth, assist the speaker.**
Showing interest is a form of assistance to the speaker. You can also use brief responses or actions to let the speaker know you are truly listening and interested, hoping they continue. This is feedback to the speaker and a form of non-verbal communication between you.
**Ninth, respond.**
Responding lets the speaker feel you are really listening. At the same time, you can confirm that you truly understand their meaning. Most of us spend too much time thinking about how we will answer or rebut. By responding, you confirm whether you understand the speaker's intended meaning, and you express agreement or other views, which is the process of "true communication" where information is conveyed.
**Tenth, don't interrupt.**
Well, this is easier said than done. Be patient.
5
Summary
Okay, let's review today's content.
**Any communication activity is an interweaving of receiving and conveying information. Listening is the primary component of communication, and it is the important component we have long neglected.** Effective listening helps you gain information, understand others, and makes others willing to listen to you, achieving communication goals. Besides focusing on conveying information, we must improve our listening skills. Use a mind map to check your listening level. You can print it out and post it on the wall to remind yourself at all times.
-END-
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