---
title: "What Knowledge, Once Known, Immediately Changes Your World?"
description: "This article shares eight pieces of wisdom that can transform your perspective on life, such as understanding people's underlying motives, the power of proactive communication, knowing your role, and managing anxiety. It emphasizes that changing your mindset and actions can simplify interactions and increase happiness."
author: "极乐"
publisher: "New Distribution"
email: "zhaobo258@gmail.com"
telephone: "+8615854817671"
published: "2015-12-30"
language: "en"
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---

# What Knowledge, Once Known, Immediately Changes Your World?

> This article shares eight pieces of wisdom that can transform your perspective on life, such as understanding people's underlying motives, the power of proactive communication, knowing your role, and managing anxiety. It emphasizes that changing your mindset and actions can simplify interactions and increase happiness.

## 1**Don't look at what the other person says, but think about why they say it**
Last night, my dad called me and told me that the weather in Hangzhou might be bad in late January, and I should keep warm.
I told him I'd be back in mid-January, and he hung up satisfied, stopping his process of bending the Hangzhou weather for me.
What he really meant was: come back early for the New Year, I miss you, but people of his generation can't express such longing directly, so they use roundabout ways to convey their feelings.
Near Christmas, my girlfriend told me that a guy had been pursuing her recently and gave her a gift today. After saying this, she paused for a moment—that pause was to see my reaction—so I naturally started to act jealous and express my love, all while opening Taobao.
Her motives for telling me this were only two:
  * To test if I care about her.
  * She wanted a Christmas gift.
My 4-year-old nephew called me, saying he missed me and wanted me to come to Shanghai to play with him.
His needs were two:
  * He was bored at home and wanted me to take him out to make fires and do exciting things.
  * He wanted candy, and only I would secretly give him candy.
I couldn't go to Shanghai, so I told him that there were monsters in Hangzhou and I couldn't leave, but the government gave me candy as a reward for fighting monsters, and I'd send it all to him.
When I didn't understand this principle, the world seemed complex and interacting with people was hard. But as I gradually mastered this way of thinking, the world became simpler.
This ability requires practice, and the way to practice is empathy. You'll often make mistakes at first, but with this awareness, you won't live in a fog. Every successful or failed perception becomes part of your knowledge base.
**This also cultivates observation skills. When you truly use this ability, you'll find that past conflicts with others were often due to discussing different issues, failing to recognize each other's needs, and not expressing your own.**
## 2**Initiate communication, praise others; what determines someone's view of you is your relationship**
In college, I had a good female friend, and whenever we went out, I noticed that the world she lived in seemed to have a different difficulty level.
At that time, I was still in my cynical youth, and I thought her life was easy because of the "pretty girl gets more help" rule.
Later, I met some male friends who also had it easier, and I realized they possessed a quality I lacked: proactive communication.
But at the time, I prided myself on being aloof and looked down on such interpersonal skills. Later, I reflected and realized it wasn't integrity but narcissism.
I used to have unrealistic fantasies: sitting in the library with a focused expression, a stack of thick books in front of me, hoping to attract a cultured girl.
This fantasy stemmed from narcissism—a reluctance to make an effort, believing that excellence alone would win others' favor. It was self-deception. Unless I looked like Tony Leung, no one would bother to see how thick my books were.
I began to let go of my fragile pride, communicate more with people, interact on equal footing, and stop fantasizing about others being deeply attracted to me. The world's difficulty level dropped.
I'd chat with the cafeteria lady when getting food, and after a few times, she recognized me, and I noticed my portions got bigger.
During my internship at a Hangzhou relief station, this quality of proactive communication helped me a lot.
Because I woke up late—the cafeteria opened at 7, but I got up at 8—the lady would save food for me. Previously, I went hungry every morning, but after I chatted with her about our families once, things changed.
I lived on a mountain with no TV or internet, which was boring, so I'd go down the mountain at night to play. I could do that because I played chess with the guard and complained about the boredom. He told me I could go down at night and come back before 10, and he'd leave the door open for me.
**Proactive communication really lowers life's difficulty. Don't state your needs upfront; once you're familiar, others will naturally be willing to go out of their way for you.**
People like those who benefit them, and praise is the simplest way to build relationships. Compliment the egg pancake seller on her pancakes, and maybe after a chat, she'll make yours bigger.
Compliment middle-aged women on their beauty, young women on their gentleness and charm, men on their maturity, and elders on their patience. A simple sentence can make your world very different.
More and more experiences have made me realize: what determines how others treat you isn't who you are, but your relationship with them.
I received more care at the relief station not because I was a rare college student in the mountains, but because I was familiar with everyone.
Recently, I've been obsessed with lamb bone hotpot, and I notice my lamb portions are always bigger—not because I'm handsome, but because I chat with the owner after every meal.
## 3**Know your role**
People often ask me: Why is your relationship with teachers so good? Are you better at brown-nosing?
Yes, I am indeed good at flattery, but I think the key is that I know I'm a student. A good teacher-student relationship means the teacher-student relationship is good.
A student's duty is to respect knowledge and love learning. As long as you do that, your relationship with teachers won't be bad.
**I think the measure of maturity is the ability to find your place.**
When playing cards with friends, if you must win, must show off your intelligence, and complain when partners make mistakes, you'll have few friends. Everyone plays for fun. If you can't find your role and always try to shine or seek praise, no one will want to play with you.
At a meeting, if a leader doesn't dare to speak for fear of seeming pretentious, that's wrong. Meetings are for superiors and subordinates to exchange views, so you should express your opinions.
Life's complexity lies in role conflicts. Strive to play your primary role well and be content with secondary roles, and life becomes smoother.
## 4**Anxiety comes from your imagination; others have no expectations of you—expectations are self-imposed**
In positive psychology classes, there's often a small activity:
Stand on the podium and shout loudly in front of the class, letting it all out.
If you've experienced this, you know a magical feeling:
Sitting below, thinking about going up, you're nervous, worried you won't be able to shout, and the more you think, the more anxious you get.
But when you actually stand up and shout, you find it's different from what you imagined. When you focus on shouting, the anxiety fades.
A psychology experiment:
Volunteers were told they'd experience discrimination. They had scars painted on their faces, then went to public places. When they returned in the evening, they shared their experiences.
Many said they were discriminated against, but in fact, the staff had wiped off the scars under the pretext of touching up makeup before they went out.
Anxiety about the outside world comes from your self-perception, which distorts the real information you receive from the outside.
Our interpersonal anxiety mostly stems from feeling we're not good enough, not excellent enough. But others never expected you to be excellent.
## 5**Find what you want**
We often say that high-quality men and women respect others more; they don't get angry easily, don't force others, and are gentle. This isn't due to higher tolerance or EQ, but because they don't care.
Julius Caesar was brave, and when the senators surrounded him, he stood like a god of war until he saw his wife among the assassins. He lowered his weapon in disappointment.
**Even the best people become vulnerable when they encounter something they care about.**
The best way to stop caring about external opinions isn't to avoid the outside world, but to find what you truly strive for and care about.
In my counseling experience, clients change most in two stages:
  * Accepting the present situation—their anxiety noticeably decreases.
  * Finding what they want—their depression begins to lift, and life becomes positive.
When I notice a client has found what they want, counseling becomes easy.
Don't envy positive people; you can't imitate them anyway. The answer to how lies within you. Many ask, "I just don't know what I want, what should I do?"
The first word in "find what you want" is "find." Whenever you're tired of searching, tell yourself: I'm giving myself a chance.
## 6**One feeling can only be replaced by another feeling**
When you see a little girl crying, what do you do?
Men usually tell a joke or give a lollipop, hoping to replace her tears with happiness.
Women usually give a gentle hug, ask what's wrong, and offer comfort.
We know how to deal with sadness, but we never use it on ourselves.
When you're sad, you don't realize the best thing is to go out and have fun, find something joyful to do. You don't realize you need to comfort and encourage yourself. We always force ourselves not to be sad and to cheer up.
Most of us treat ourselves violently, like a little girl crying, and you go up and say harshly: "Stop crying! If you cry again, I'll hit you!"
How can that stop the girl from crying? How can that make your sadness fade?
Sadness and pain can't be suppressed, but you can replace them with another feeling.
## 7**Don't expect anyone to understand you; lower your expectations of the world**
I used to suffer because I thought the world was so beautiful, yet I was so unfortunate.
Now I'm calm because I know the world is inherently malicious. If someone is kind to me or praises me, I've gained something.
Others won't understand me, and they have no obligation to, including my parents. I have no reason to hate them. Making others understand me is my own business. If anyone is willing to understand me, I should be grateful.
The world is terrible, but I am happy.
## 8**Shift your time from suppressing desires to finding reasonable ways to release them**
I often receive private messages like: "I masturbate all the time and can't quit, what should I do?" or "I love spending money and can't control my Taobao browsing, what should I do?"
**Suppressing your behaviors and desires repeatedly, then feeling guilt and pain when you fail, isn't due to weak willpower but wrong methods.**
**The reason you're addicted to masturbation or spending is that your life itself is too boring!**
In a boring life, masturbation and Taobao are the only dopamine release pathways, and we become addicted to that pleasure.
But this pleasure has a cost. Stopping the behavior means stopping the pleasure, making your enemy yourself. You can't mobilize your willpower against yourself.
As a child, I loved tangerines, but they caused heatiness, so I couldn't eat too many, yet I couldn't control myself.
Later, my dad bought lychees, which were truly sweet, so I stopped wanting tangerines and started eating lychees. But lychees were expensive, so I couldn't eat too many, yet I still couldn't control myself.
Then I and Erya invented a game of playing house naked, and after school, I had no time to go home and eat lychees.
You can't control the libido released by satisfying desires. The need for control arises because simply satisfying yourself is too costly. You need to control your behavior and seek other, more reasonable ways to satisfy your desires.
Instead of controlling yourself every day to not steal your neighbor's underwear for masturbation, it's better to study hard, cultivate character, earn more money, become better, and find a wife for cosplay.
Instead of deleting Taobao, cultivate hobbies or do charity.
When other things in life release dopamine, we won't be addicted to the costly dopamine.
**-END-**
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