---
title: "Persuading Others: Only Three Steps Needed - The Philosophy of Communication"
description: "Persuasion is a vital leadership skill that many bosses overlook, thinking that making the right decision is enough. However, persuading others to accept and support your decisions is challenging. This article outlines three steps: knowing when not to speak, listening to others before speaking, and carefully considering how to speak."
author: "New Distribution"
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published: "2014-05-06"
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# Persuading Others: Only Three Steps Needed - The Philosophy of Communication

> Persuasion is a vital leadership skill that many bosses overlook, thinking that making the right decision is enough. However, persuading others to accept and support your decisions is challenging. This article outlines three steps: knowing when not to speak, listening to others before speaking, and carefully considering how to speak.

Persuading others is a very important leadership skill, and many bosses overlook this, thinking that as long as they make the right decisions, it is enough. In fact, making the right decision is not difficult, but persuading others to accept it and gaining their recognition and support is very difficult.

Moreover, we need to accept the fact that the more important the work, the more it requires the understanding and support of your team, and the larger your team, the more prominent this situation becomes. As Joe Owen said: If a boss wants to have influence, he must learn to persuade; the larger the team, the more important persuasion becomes.

So, how should we persuade others? Many articles and books focus on "what to say" and "how to say it." But in my view, **"not saying" and "listening to others" are also forms of "speaking," and they can make your "speaking" more persuasive.** Here, I suggest you follow these three steps:

**Step 1: Is it okay not to say?**

When you have an idea to express, first consider whether it is really necessary to say it, and whether it would be better not to say it. Sometimes, saying nothing is the best "speaking." That is, not saying, saying less, or delaying saying can also achieve the effect of persuading others, or even better than saying.

For many things, especially those with great controversy, forcing to say may not have a good effect. Let it go for a while and let the other party think for themselves; you may get unexpected results. Also, sometimes we carry emotions that make us irritable or even resentful. Calm down and let yourself be quiet; you may find that many things are not necessary to say.

Why does Professor Zeng Shiqiang repeatedly emphasize "speaking first leads to death, speaking later also leads to death"? That is the reason. If we think carefully, we will find that many things go wrong because of "speaking."

Not everything needs to be said. As a leader, you must understand that **in some situations, not saying is better than saying, saying later is better than saying earlier, and letting others say is better than saying yourself.** In fact, many excellent leaders are very skilled at this, achieving the purpose of speaking by not speaking. This is extremely wise leadership.

**Step 2: If you must say, first listen to what others say**

Even if you have to speak, do not speak immediately. First listen to what others say, and then decide how to speak. If you speak first, the initiative is in the other party's hands; if they speak first, the initiative is in yours. If you want the communication to continue, you must understand "yielding three times first."

Why do people have different ideas? Because their positions and interests are different, and they stand from different angles. Perhaps the truth is not in your hands, and perhaps others' opinions are what you need to consider and accept. In fact, whether it is your speaking or their speaking, there will be truth and fallacy. Speaking only for yourself will only make things more chaotic and result in nothing.

Smart people use others' "speaking" to test their own "speaking," treating others' words as golden advice. They repeatedly ask themselves: Why does the other person say this? What is the reasoning behind it? Is there common ground between us? What compromises and concessions can I make? This is what we mentioned earlier: "think in the opposite direction," holding both ends, not adhering to one and discarding the rest. This will allow you to view the disputed issues from a higher level.

When you can think from the other person's perspective, it becomes easier to persuade them. At this point, you will find that **in fact, we need to persuade ourselves, not others. Insisting on imposing your own ideas on others makes it difficult to achieve the goal of persuasion.**

**Step 3: If you must speak now, think about how to say it**

Knowing what to say is not enough; you also need to know how to say it. Especially when your "speaking" conflicts with the other party's "speaking," and the other party does not take you seriously, you need to consider how to say it even more.

Different people and different situations require different ways of speaking. Who is the target of your persuasion? Is it a superior or a subordinate, a customer or a partner? What is their expertise, background, personality, and relationship with you? Are they acquaintances or first-time contacts? Are they friendly or hostile? Also, how many people support you, who supports you, how many oppose you, how strong is the opposition, and how important is your proposal or plan? These all affect your persuasion style and strategy.

Do not speak immediately. Carefully consider how you should speak, under what circumstances, when, and within what scope; whether to speak yourself or let others speak; whether to speak privately or publicly; whether to speak positively or negatively, etc. Since you are going to speak, you must speak to the other person's heart.

Many people think that as long as they have the truth, they can say anything and insist on anything. In fact, these are naive thoughts. Interpersonal communication and interaction are very complex. **It is not just a matter of skill; it is also related to human hearts. Do you make the other person feel dignified and respected?** If you make the other person lose dignity and face, even if you are reasonable, how can you make them understand and support you?


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