---
title: "IQ Determines Your Starting Point, EQ Determines Your Ceiling"
description: "This article is from \"LinkedIn China\". LinkedIn is the world's largest professional networking site with over 300 million members worldwide, and executives from every Fortune 500 company have joined. In the workplace, a person's IQ may determine whether they can embark on the road to success, but their EQ will help determine how far they can go on that road. However, EQ often feels somewhat elusive—because you cannot measure a person's EQ with numbers and scores like you can with IQ. The following are seven habits of people with low EQ; be careful not to fall into them."
author: "陈莹"
publisher: "New Distribution"
email: "zhaobo258@gmail.com"
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published: "2015-06-07"
language: "en"
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---

# IQ Determines Your Starting Point, EQ Determines Your Ceiling

> This article is from "LinkedIn China". LinkedIn is the world's largest professional networking site with over 300 million members worldwide, and executives from every Fortune 500 company have joined. In the workplace, a person's IQ may determine whether they can embark on the road to success, but their EQ will help determine how far they can go on that road. However, EQ often feels somewhat elusive—because you cannot measure a person's EQ with numbers and scores like you can with IQ. The following are seven habits of people with low EQ; be careful not to fall into them.

This article is from "LinkedIn China"
LinkedIn is the world's largest professional networking site, with over 300 million members worldwide, and executives from every Fortune 500 company have joined.
In the workplace, a person's IQ may determine whether they can embark on the road to success, but their EQ will help determine how far they can go on that road.
However, EQ often feels somewhat elusive—because you cannot measure a person's EQ with numbers and scores like you can with IQ.
The following are seven habits of people with low EQ; be careful not to fall into them.
LinkedIn Member Muriel Maignan Wilkins, co-founder of Paravis Partners, graduated from Harvard Business School.
**"Why do you keep kicking me?"**
This is a typical manifestation of low EQ in many people's eyes. Or, a simple "I'm not feeling well" is met with "Drink more water."
In film and television, characters like Sheldon Cooper are common, and low EQ often becomes a classic source of humor.
> _I'm not crazy; my mother had me tested._
However, in my years of workplace training, I have never encountered a student who raised their hand and said: Teacher, I need to improve my EQ.
But at the same time, I have heard countless times people talking behind their colleagues' backs—saying their EQ is really too low.
**The problem is: those who urgently need to improve their EQ often find it difficult to recognize their own shortcomings.**
Based on past data, we can find that EQ will undoubtedly make outstanding people stand out from the crowd.
In fact, not everyone possesses high EQ—or rather, when a person finally cultivates enough EQ through accumulated experience, it may already be too late.
Take my colleague Craig, for example.
Craig's performance is outstanding, and he has made significant contributions to the company, but his colleagues' evaluations of him are all: "He is always clumsy," "He is competitive," or "He climbed the ladder by suppressing others."
If that's the case, Craig's work style will soon become unsustainable: Craig is accustomed to directing and ordering others around, and such behavior will only make it difficult for him to continuously mobilize, attract, and retain the people around him.
But when I informed Craig of this feedback, he seemed surprised, but he was sure I must have misheard. Clearly, Craig lacks self-awareness and empathy, which are precisely the manifestations of high EQ.
1**Seven Habits of People with Low EQ**
Is EQ really immeasurable?
Not necessarily.
If we distinguish EQ from two dimensions: "personal vs. social" and "what you see vs. what you do," we can analyze the four core competencies of a person with high EQ:
> Self-Awareness: You can accurately perceive your own emotional fluctuations.
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> Social Awareness: You can sense the emotions of those around you and keenly capture what is happening around you.
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> Self-Management: You can flexibly and positively regulate your own behavior based on your perception of your own emotions.
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> Relationship Management: This is the highest level. After perceiving the surrounding "emotional field," you can control your own emotions and grasp others' emotional states to facilitate better interaction between both parties.
**Below I have listed seven reference points. If you find that you exhibit one or more of these signs, then you should reflect again: Is my EQ really sufficient?**
>   1. You always feel that others don't understand what you mean, and this makes you very impatient.
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>   2. You say overly harsh words (or jokes), but you always feel that others are making a fuss.
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>   3. You believe the workplace is a place for utilitarian competition, and you don't need to consider whether relationships are harmonious.
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>   4. You always present your conclusions before discussion, then stubbornly insist on your own opinions, not allowing others to offer suggestions.
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>   5. You think everyone can do as well as you do.
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>   6. When problems arise, you always feel that others are the culprits.
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>   7. When others hope you can understand their feelings, you have no patience for it at all.
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If you happen to have one or more of the above problems, bingo! You need to improve your EQ—so what should you do next?
2**First, You Must Recognize the Problem and Seek Feedback from Others**
The key to solving a problem is that you must first understand it.
In terms of EQ, the most critical thing is that you must have self-awareness—the ability to recognize your own behavior in real time.
In fact, whether you seek help from a large group or consult only a few people, these will be key steps in building your self-awareness (what you did and what you didn't do).
After receiving feedback, do not make excuses for your behavior; doing so will only defeat the purpose.
What you need to do is: listen carefully to the feedback, try to understand it, and ultimately turn it into your own use.
3**What You Say and What Others Hear Are Different**
Note that when speaking or acting, there is a difference between your personal intentions and the actual impact they have.
People with low EQ often underestimate the negative impact their words and actions have on others; they fail to realize that there is often a gap between what they intend to say and what others actually hear. For example:
> _You say: "All work must be completed by the end of today."_
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> _Others understand: "I only care about results, no matter what methods you use in the process, even if someone gets hurt."_
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> _You say: "I can understand; how could you not understand?"_
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> _Others understand: "You are not as smart as me, so you can't understand."_
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> _You say: "I don't think it's a big deal."_
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> _Others understand: "I don't care what you think at all."_
**Therefore, stop thinking "I didn't mean it that way." What you should really consider is how others will interpret your words and whether their interpretation truly reflects your original intention.**
Let's return to Craig's story. He used to be criticized for his harsh words, but now he has begun to change. He no longer only thinks about what he wants to say, but also about the impact his words will have.
Now, before every meeting, he spends a few minutes asking himself:
**What do I want everyone to understand? How do I want everyone to feel after my speech? How should I organize my language to achieve these goals?**
4**Press the Pause Button for Yourself and Listen to Others**
People with high EQ do not react quickly without thinking; they always pause for a moment, weigh the pros and cons, and then decide whether to react.
Previously, whenever people were expressing their opinions, Craig would interrupt or refute them before they finished speaking. He did this because he subconsciously feared losing dominance in the discussion, and he also felt that listening to others chatter was a waste of time.
After realizing this, Craig made a change; now, before reacting, Craig pauses:
**Pause to listen to yourself:**
During discussions, whenever Craig feels impatient or frustrated, he tightens his jaw and contracts his chest; and every time he notices these physical reactions, Craig becomes aware and pauses to tell himself: Well, you are afraid of losing dominance. In this way, Craig can recognize himself and thus no longer attack without thinking, but better contemplate how to respond.
**Pause to listen to others:**
Listening allows others to feel that at least you understand their meaning (regardless of whether you agree with their viewpoint). There is a world of difference between being able to express one's views and being deprived of the opportunity to express them: generally, what others need from you is just to give them a chance to articulate their views clearly before you refute them.
5**Balance Your Own and Others' Positions**
People often say: "We should put ourselves in others' shoes."
**Learning to empathize is undoubtedly key to building EQ, but it does not mean you should suppress your own feelings.**
What you need to do is to consider both your own and others' positions—respecting your own arrangements while also considering others' needs. Craig used to always say: "I think..." but now he says: **"This is what I think, and I also understand your thoughts. Let's find a way to integrate all viewpoints and consider them together."**
Improving EQ means you must make a commitment and strictly implement it. Improving EQ requires a lot of time and practice. But in the end, you will find it is worth it, and far more than the effort you put in.
A person with high IQ may be useful when studying and doing problems, but the workplace values more than just how many questions you can answer correctly. And if someone has particularly high EQ, you'd better be careful with them, because they might be a formidable character.
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