---
title: "Everything You Reject Is What You Need to Learn"
description: "Indian master Sri Sri Ravi Shankar said: \"Loving someone who likes you is nothing special; loving someone who loves you earns you no merit; loving someone you don't like will surely teach you something in life; loving someone who blames you without reason, you learn the art of life.\" From the outside, see the inside; from others, see yourself. Through others, you can truly know yourself. Our opinions of others mainly depend on what they make us see in ourselves, not how we see them. What you see in others is actually yourself."
author: "New Distribution"
publisher: "New Distribution"
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published: "2015-10-07"
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---

# Everything You Reject Is What You Need to Learn

> Indian master Sri Sri Ravi Shankar said: "Loving someone who likes you is nothing special; loving someone who loves you earns you no merit; loving someone you don't like will surely teach you something in life; loving someone who blames you without reason, you learn the art of life." From the outside, see the inside; from others, see yourself. Through others, you can truly know yourself. Our opinions of others mainly depend on what they make us see in ourselves, not how we see them. What you see in others is actually yourself.

Indian master Sri Sri Ravi Shankar said: "Loving someone who likes you is nothing special; loving someone who loves you earns you no merit; loving someone you don't like will surely teach you something in life; loving someone who blames you without reason, you learn the art of life."

**From the outside, see the inside;**
**From others, see yourself.**
**Through others,**
**you can truly know yourself.**

Our opinions of others mainly depend on what they make us see in ourselves, not how we see them. What you see in others is actually yourself.

All your relationships are mirrors; through them, you can truly know yourself.

In the process of discovering the other person, you unknowingly discover yourself as well. By understanding their feelings and thoughts, you also understand yourself better; you become each other's mirrors.

If you feel your partner has lost enthusiasm for you, it may be because you have also lost enthusiasm for them; as a marriage expert said: "If our marriage becomes boring, it may be because I feel boring, or worse, I am a boring person."

In fact, those who annoy you are helping you; they help you understand yourself and discover your dark side. This is why the closer we get to someone, the easier it is to feel disgust, because they make you see your true self.

The things that annoy you most about others are usually the things you can't stand about yourself.

**Who you are,**
**you will think others are too.**
**What you cannot tolerate in others**
**is what you cannot tolerate in yourself.**

A person of bad character will suspect others' character; a person disloyal to others will suspect others' loyalty to them; a dishonest or indecent person will "twist" others' actions, because that's who they are. A man who has improper thoughts about other women will naturally suspect his own woman. Those who often encounter annoying things are often annoying people. Those who like to find fault in others are actually the most flawed; those who like to gossip are actually the most improper.

If you are prone to anger, you will think others often provoke you, and everything can become a reason for your anger. It's not that everything is wrong, but you project; you project what is hidden within yourself onto others. You condemn everyone and everything because you have too much anger, so even a small thing can ignite your fury.

Similarly, what others say to you reflects who they are and their inner world. Their criticism of you may be because they are dissatisfied with themselves, or even they themselves are the "kind of person" they criticize.

When you move toward goodness within, you will stop criticizing others and reacting to their criticism.

If you throw stones at an apple tree full of apples, only apples will fall, no matter who throws. A truly good person, no matter how you treat them, will only show peace and goodness, because that's who they are.

**What you are inside,**
**you will attract people like that.**
**What you reject externally,**
**you reject internally as well.**

Generally, those we get along with happily reflect the inner self we like and accept; those we dislike reflect the inner self we are unhappy with and do not accept.

Rather than teaching both parties to get along harmoniously, it's better to teach them to make their inner selves harmonious, then they will naturally be harmonious; rather than teaching them how to enhance mutual feelings, it's better to teach them to enhance self-growth, then the relationship will naturally grow.

When someone asks me how to improve a relationship, I always tell them: "First, you must go deep within; unless your inner problems are resolved, you not only cannot improve but will create more problems."

A controlling person cannot let go of others or liberate themselves unless the inner emptiness is filled; a resentful person cannot stop complaining unless the inner anger is released; a jealous person cannot stop being jealous unless they find inner confidence and stop comparing with others.

Everyone's external words and actions are a manifestation of their inner thoughts. If you cannot trust yourself, it's hard to trust others; if you cannot respect yourself, it's hard to respect others; if you cannot affirm yourself, it's hard to affirm others; if you cannot illuminate yourself, you cannot illuminate others.

When partners hurt each other without love, I don't tell them to try to love each other, but ask them to first learn to love themselves, because hurting the other is actually hurting oneself.

Your relationship with everyone reflects your relationship with yourself. If you are in constant conflict with your inner self, you will also be in constant conflict with others; if you have inner emotional struggles, you will also have emotional struggles with others. The problems we encounter in relationships are our inner problems.

The relationships we attract reflect the qualities we possess and present our inner selves. So, those with relationship problems should not only examine their relationships with others but also reflect on their relationship with themselves. Here are some questions you can self-examine:

When I observe what you reflect of me, I feel (feelings such as anger, fear, loss of control, confusion, etc.)

Which self of mine do you reflect?

External problems that trouble us are exactly the parts we cannot integrate internally. If you want to improve everything external, you must start with internal change.

**When you constrain others,**
**you are also constrained.**
**The more you hate, the more bound you are;**
**the more you love, the freer you are.**

When you control others, you are also controlled; if you bind others, others will bind you. Think about it: when you control others, forbidding them to do this or that, what if they don't do as you say? What happens? You will be unhappy, right? Your emotions are determined by others; do you think you are in control? No, actually you are the one being controlled.

An eye for an eye results in everyone being blind.

If you keep ruminating on old wounds in your memory, you give the people or things that initially caused the pain the power to hurt you again and again. That's why I say when you resent others, it means to some extent you also resent yourself.

How to completely eliminate enemies? Turn enemies into friends!

You will find that those who are hardest to forgive are exactly those you most need to forgive; those hardest to let go of are exactly those you most need to let go of.

**If you strongly reject something,**
**it is the lesson you must learn.**
**If you greatly appreciate something,**
**it can transform into love.**

Our main relationships constantly reflect what lessons need to be learned.

Whether it's your boss, colleagues, subordinates, friends, lovers, spouse, or children, the personalities, thoughts, and behaviors you dislike in them are often the parts you need to learn. They will reveal your shadow and repeatedly repeat the words and actions you detest to teach you.

When someone points out your mistake, you get angry at that person, but is it their fault? No, they are just helping you bring your "moldy shadow" out into the sun.

You won't get angry if someone says you want to steal a whale shark from the aquarium, because that's something you wouldn't even think of doing. But if your wife says you travel on business to "have an affair," you might argue or even get angry. Why? Because it's possible, or it has happened or even is happening. Yes, generally, the closer the accusation to the truth, the more likely you are to defend and get angry.

So, in the future, when others accuse you, don't immediately attack or counterattack as before; you should start to ask yourself, because what they say may be true. If it's not true, why take it so seriously, right?

The reason they are arranged by your side is "for a reason." Therefore, don't reject or try to avoid them just because you don't like them, because they are "blessed fate from heaven"; you should make good use of this opportunity to transform yourself.

What is love? Love is appreciating what you don't like and don't love. If there are too many people or things you hate or don't love around you, it's because you have been rejecting them, so they keep appearing. You must learn the art of life—transform them into love.

**-END-**

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